i pray that today
you will read my words and concern

i will write happy, i will mostly write sad

we both know there is a dark spot in my mind
surrounded by the light you have created

but you are the reason for my happy words

and the inspiration for my sad
because you are that contrast

-

i pray that tomorrow
you will read my words and smile

i will write happy, i will write sad

we both know there is a dark spot in my mind
surrounded by the light you have created

but you are the reason for my happy words

and the inspiration for my sad
because you are that contrast

-

i pray that next month
you will read my words and be proud

i will write happy, i will write sad

we both know there is a dark spot in my mind
shrinking into the light you have created

but you are still the reason for my happy words

and the inspiration for my sad
because you are that contrast

-

i pray that in a couple years
you will read my words and reminisce

i will write happy, i will write sad

we both know there was a dark spot in my mind
emerged by the light you created

you are the reason for my happy words

and still the inspiration for my sad
because you are that contrast

-

i pray that in the future
you will still read my words

what would i write, what would i write?

we both know there was once a dark spot in my mind
unsure if that has endured
tripled in size
or simply non-existent
perished by the light you have created
or the light you have substituted for dullness

will you be the reason for my happy words?
if any remain?

or have you truly inspired my sad
because you went from black and white
to simply black

-

i pray that you would not continue to read my words...
...out of pity

i would write sad, i would write sad

we both know my mind would be dark
pitch black
a lack of light

i would have run out of happy words

because there would be nothing but sad
filling the empty holes
you have dug with your absence

everything is black

The bats swoop past
With clandestine chirps
Telling me to go to bed

But how can I
When thoughts of you
Rob me of sleep

Every breath of smoke
I exhale
Is the seed of a poem

And the half-lidded eye of the moon
Spurs the crickets on
Singing of our union

The humid air
Pregnant with revelation
Stagnant with constipated exultation

Suffocates with muted indifference
And the words well up
As the night drags on

Summer is the season where I'm all up in my feelings.
I start missing people I shouldn't miss,
wanting things I shouldn't want.
Praying that we cross paths even though I know that's a bad idea, but I'm still optimistic.

And why am I feeling like this anyway? 19 years old waiting on imagery, believing in fantasies. And these emotions are real and raw. These emotions cut deep and no knife can create a deeper wound.

I'm telling you my mind is a dangerous place. I don't like to be alone. I am my own personal killer. I don't need no additionally help, I pull my own trigger and it's sickening to know that I can do this to myself. And it's sad to know that I can't save me from myself.

How can summer be so cold? How can summer steal my inner glow? Even my skin has lost its radiance. ****, I wonder how's the winter going to be.

I don't know why I get so down and I
don't know why I keep getting
trapped
I don't know why I can't stay up and I
don't know why I can't stop thinking
of raising
a cup or a glass of something strong
enough to influence me
something to get me high or just
enough to quit the suppressing
choking me back with these thoughts
I can't get rid of
it doesn't take much these days
to get me
down, down, down
lately all I know is my head just spins a-
round, round, round
nothing much to focus on to keep me
from drowning
I don't know what I'm doing but clearly
I'm frowning

Every time I zoned out of  reality, I started to overthink. It was just a bunch on nonsense and profanity going through my head. But, I felt as if it was important to keep thinking about those thoughts because no one else really seemed to think about them too much. If I thought too much, however, I felt depression harmonizing with my veins and intoxicating me slowly.

And it was a ****** feeling.

I've also come to realize that most of these ****** feelings have no original beginnings, they just create themselves. And oh how ineffable it feels. To feel so much -- too many -- and not have a single answer to these nefarious emotions.

Its one a.m. youre still on my mind.
Its one a.m. and your eyes were as bright as the stars
I cant help but feel not to feel these scars
I cant help but to feel these marks

You are my moans in the dark
You are the tears and the screams
Of this lonely broken heart
That is now slipping at the seams

I cant, I wouldnt and I dont know
How to bid my farewell to your soul
But I guess time will come for the both of us
To feel the wounds that heals deep within us.

I didn't tell you when I told you goodnight how much I miss you and how much I want you in my arms right now, about how much I want to feel your heartbeat on my chest. I can't bring myself to tell you how much you really matter to me, and how hopelessly, eternally, and deeply in love with you I am. I can't tell you that I don't just want you, but I need you. You're my favorite drug, and I'm an addict past the point of rehab. I didn't tell you that knowing you're not just down the road makes me feel so small and I didn't tell you how much I feel like I don't matter to you. I want to tell you all of this, but I want to hear that I matter. I want to know that you miss me, that you want to kiss me, and I want to hear these calming words from your beautiful heart. You never leave my mind. You're a grand distraction. I can't even take tests or watch tv without thinking of you. Get out of my head and please get in my arms. I miss you so much. Those are the things I left unsaid. That I didn't text you. All of that was compiled into a small goodnight, but you have no way of knowing what I really mean to say.

i wonder if you can see
     a single beauty in me
  just like I see the whole universe
           in you.

we were in constant dispute like the Capulet's & the Montagues
but a love like Romeo & Juliet
like Tybolts & Merctuios hatred for each other , very passionately
ride or die like Romeo & Benvolio
trying to hold each other down
sacrificing lives for on another
but just like the poison Romeo drank
you were poison to me