Just thinking about how
Here we are
Casually talking about the future
and how we're going to have fun
and I really hope that we do
and that I end up with you
and that no matter what I do
I'll always pick you

all the pieces,
puzzled in ways not even one can understand,
everytime I try,
every intention,
urges me towards you.

burst of emotions,
like a sudden gust of air,
carrying you in every particle,
you
you
you...
days spent forgetting,
turn into nights of remembering,
remembering all of it,
so realistic,
I could reach for,
reach to you,
a pulse of light,
so bright
it beacons.

everytime I get close,
close enough,
to see,
to feel,
to call it a reality once again,
It suddenly gets separated,
simple as you and me
scattered by distinction

depths that I've never felt,
in depths that I've been left

surfacing every dawn,
to once again sink in every dusk,
a cycle so vicious,
so ruthless
a piece of me is lost,
until,
the end of days.

Tell me, does it scare you?  
The thoughts that creep through your head when you're alone st night tucked into your bed.  Do the shadows still catch you off guard as you begin to drift into a dream
  Oh ****, now you're well awake talking out to yourself.  Don't you wish you could just get some sleep?  You beg the thoughts to end and for the shadows to go away.  You haven't danced with the devil for two weeks now & so they have come to redeem you.  You toss & turn, even turn on a light & you scream " I'm clean, please just got away,  let me continue to be free".  They're getting closer, the thoughts are beginning to corrupt your head.  You're sitting in the corner saying a prayer.  Tell me, did the devil redeem you?  Or have you claimed yourself at last instead?

Walking on this dark road back to the car, i feel happy but tired
Suddenly as i keep looking down to my feet with a hoodie over my head,
YOU pop up.
WHY you?
It felt like a arrow just hit my chest
i suddenly thought of u after a while of not having a single thought ,
I was on the edge of crying.
i shook my head, trying to stop myself.
I walked way ahead of everyone else just so they dont see my face and ask if i was ok.
NO IM NOT OK
Im glad one of the girls kept an eye on me and helped me slow down because idk where i was going and i wasnt thinking.
I just walked.
I could’ve done something stupid
Thanks to her i didnt.
I was forming fists with my hands.
I got to a dead end of this walk.
The girl held my arm gently then my hand and helped me get back on the right path.
i dont know her.
we just met.
i dont even know her name.
BUT she was nice.

WHY U GOTTA POP BACK UP?
UGH!
I HATE U!
I LOVE YOU!
OH MY GOD, I DONT KNOW ANYMORE!
I JUST WANNA GO HOME!

Cold blood
Cracking skin
Purple lips
Blue nails
 
Dull eyes
Stiff hands
Torn clothes
******* –*
 
I didn’t mean to do it.
I only wanted a kiss — 
I only wanted her whole body;
It was something I couldn’t miss.
 
She was the predator;
I was the prey
From when she opened the door
Across the hallway.
 
Why did she lead me there?
Didn’t she want it?
She wouldn’t go all the way
Until I have had it.
 
All I wanted was a kiss,
All I wanted was everything,
All I wanted was to go a little further
Until I heard the sirens singing.
 
She was a tease
In midnight streets,
And it was a sin
That I couldn’ beat — 

Maybe if I hadn’t
Kissed her then,
She won’t be dead
In silks of linen.
 
I am the victim,
Not the culprit.
She was unclear — 
Made me want it

She made me believe there’s love 
In the night of Salem — 
Until I realized
There’s no love in torn denim.

we ignore each other
and pretend the other
person doesn't exist
but deep down inside
we both know it wasn't
supposed to end like this

Eyes silently weep, open,

But hidden by the shadows of lies,

Lies hushingly reek, rotten,

Until they get buried inside.

I wish my heart could be
as innocent
as it once was
before it knew
h e ar t bre a k.

you know it's hard
falling asleep at night
with all these thoughts
swarming in my head
remembering all our memories
all our late night talks
and I just lay here
wanting it all back
wanting my happiness back
wanting you back