It's 10 P.M.
While my earphones are stuck in my ears for 3 hours,
I waited to hear your name clash between the lyrics of the song I am listening to
As the singer tune his mood out of every metaphor he says,
You are all I see, all I hear, and all I care
I thought of the Pacific Ocean and the moon
How both beautiful beings had never collided and I thought of us
I thought of how I always wanted to intertwine your big tanned hands to mine
But then I also realized that it was just friendly messages you give me and that you thought of intertwining your hands with someone, but not me.
I wept;
your name echoed along the rivers of my tears and it felt absolutely painful
I imagined your crooked smile,
how it shines while it looked at me when you haven't had a clue about what I felt.
And then suddenly you knew,
and it was painful again
and I was crying again
and my heart still echoed for your touch, I don't know why
The singer says I should hold on,
never should I stop believing that I could be yours, and that we could be together
But then the teacup of my feelings broke when the earthquake of your response punched through my heart and wobbled my hands until I can no longer hold the teacup.
My hearts aches again.
I remember your sweet scent,
and when you call me and I glance at you, I see bubbles and sparkles
And maybe everything nice, including you.
But I'm sad, because anxiety took over me and you couldn't save me, I know you wouldn't want to save me. Because it's such a pain, it's too much effort and you don't like that, so you decided to put ice cold packs in your messages and reply with dull words.
And my heart aches again, and this time, it's much painful.
I've always wanted to bear your name,
carve it to my heart and claim it mine
But to think that your rainbow-colored smile and tanned skin would not belong to me,
I stopped, let anxiety took over
And gave you all up.
