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Jack Jenkins Aug 2018
Poetry is always the epicenter of my expressions,
My soul's sole extension
The way I give subvention
To my tension
To give confession to my transgression
But my pen is now empty
The bottle tempts me
I pour my drink to fill
Only to find the emptiness of the glass
Matches the emptiness of the heart
The emptiness of the pen
My mind as blank as paper
My thoughts fleeting as vapor
All I can think is how I miss her
How I miss her voice that's been gone so long
How I miss the care she would give to me
How I regret that I would forget
Just how much she meant to me
& now I lament what should have prevented
Halving my heart and her heart
Never to be together because I blew it
I blew it
& I can't stop writing about you, my friend
but there are only so many words
They cannot transform this pain
They only perform for others to read
& that will not make me whole again...
So here's to the good years poetry has brought me
Here's to the good memories of you and I
I say goodbye to what once was
Because it just hurts to write
I only long to be numb
//On anxiety, life, love, and her//
Jack Jenkins Jul 2018
I'll always regret losing you
I'll never get to say I'm sorry
The pain you gave
Does not compare
To the pain I allowed
Hating you
I hurt you
Robbed the memories of us
Twisted everything around
I'm sorry for that
I've learned to cope
To accept
To take things one
D̶a̶y̶
Drink
At a time
//On her, life, and addiction//
Jack Jenkins Jul 2018
Missing you
Two words burned in my eyes
It's true
Missing you
Two hearts broken apart
It's true
Missing you
I felt the hurt
You did too
It was all wrong
What did we do?
Missing you
Cut apart
Thinking of us how it fell apart
Why did we do it?
I pushed away
You pushed away
I felt taken for granted
You didn't want to lose me
We lost each other
Are we better off
Not together?
Yes.
But I'm still missing you
//On her//
Jack Jenkins Jul 2018
Emptiness is a wholesome feeling
Consuming your hunger
Self-centered
Everything wrong
Were words enough to survive?

Empty sheets of paper on the floor of my mind

Empty was my desire all along
Empty of you, of me
Empty bottles
Another night I lost
Empty promises to stop

Empty heart with empty lungs
Empty organs on the floor
Let it go, feel nothing
Wait for the music to cut your skin

Empty eyes, the rains did not come.
At the end of the road called bitterness, you find an unlocked chest with a note pinned, "it wasn't worth it."

You open the box and find all the memories of her you robbed from yourself, but they're rotted and molded because you neglected the one thing you bet your life on.

You finally decide to let go of the pain you made yourself addicted to and then you see you hurt yourself more than she hurt you. You hurt her more than she admitted.

The toll for the road called bitterness is one good heart. The destination is a dead end.
Jack Jenkins Jun 2018
I throw paper airplanes at the moon
All the poems and love meant for you
All the wishes on shooting stars
Folded and flown into the wind
Release
In the quiet peace
Find freedom in letting go
You don't talk about the hurt you carry
You just learn to live with the pain
Jack Jenkins Jun 2018
i hurt
because
i know i
hurt
you
Jack Jenkins Jun 2018
Drink the pain that is sweet to the heart;
Ease the ache of what was lost,
With sharp words;
Enjoy the tears down my cheeks,
When I recall with fondness,
The feeling of your heart
&
Mine
Great happiness and pain came together when it came to me and her. A perfect storm of lace and lashes and I loved it and hated it.
Bryce Jun 2018
I almost cried thinking about you.
Your soul
all the tall tales you spun
spiders dancing across the stars now
I miss you
I never knew you
I want to
so badly
it hurts

You'd hate it here
they bastardized you
sold your words for a dime
those jewels you saw in the night
rocks.
just rocks.

that is, now
Nobody wanted that fantastic ruby sky
and ****-green mossy aquamarine
now we stare at screens.
screens.

They'll kick you off the train
eye you with suspicious gaze
if they catch you all alone
spun along some interstate

We can't do what you did anymore
try as we want to.

No running from the law
or responsibility
or inevitability
or anything quite like that

and the only time i spoke to god
he told me there was places for me to see
somewhere for me to be
someone for me to meet
and i still don't know
what that means...

I didn't have no writing buddy
my buddy left for the dusty drone of Bakersfield
and now i'm all alone
Disenchanted and enthusiastic
about all the things everyone hates
and the history that keeps sifting
like sand through the lobes of my skull

Jack, come back
give me a minute or two
maybe a vision of my wildest dreams
I'd love so much to talk to you

I keep dreaming and seeing the beauty that lies in the center of the
Tao, that long winding tao
of ancient street
with no shoes worn here in San Francisco
that imaginary terminus you dreamed
not here, silly me.
I started here
you wound your end through here

I don't know what mine'll be
Not a hemorrhage
maybe
of the brain
since that's where my troubles lie
or my prostate,
since that's where my vision lies
yours was the stomach
that great trust in gut
it let you down
and lifted you up

God didn't give me that at all
he gave it to you
oh how freeing that must have felt
to know
truly
A man like Kerouac comes once in a hundred years. that poor tortured soul-- what I wouldn't give to get to know.
Jack Jenkins Jun 2018
You're the kid
Who didn't have anxiety
Growing up

You're the kid
Who was never abused
Parents didn't lay a finger on me

You're the kid
Who didn't fit in your Christian family
Black sheep

You're the kid
Who saw everyone else suffer
But not you

...not you...

The few friends you had
When they left, were they worthy?
Or did you **** it up again?

Your faith is misfired, again
Schizophrenic
A brittle child and a brute

Did you spare your skin the razor
Just to cut your heart on glass?
Chew and swallow every shard

You're four drinks in tonight, Jack
Your mind on repeat
Thinking of lost things

...fleeting things...

Jason Mraz serenades your
Buzzed mind
"I Won't Give Up"

That was "the song" for her
You gave up Jack
Pour the fifth glass

You're just a kid
Playing catchup on anxiety
Growing old

You're just a kid
Savoring every sharp word
Disappointment

You're just a kid
Quitting faith when it's hard
Begging for love when you're alone

You're just a kid
Suffering and nobody sees you
Just me

...yeah...
Jack Jenkins May 2018
I framed the stars in the sky above,
For you,
Once upon a time,
In a time far, far away;

Every star was a poem shining for you,
Meant to fall on you,
Across moonlit shoulders,
Dedicated to your beautiful soul;

The wolves saw the light as well, they came,
Gnashed teeth severed,
I tasted bitterness & swallowed,
Jealousy & anger flashed in my skies;

The stars framed in the sky above,
For you,
Bled red with rage,
The poems stopped with my love;

I dwell in this created darkness,
A wasteland,
Too scared to create stars,
So sorry for everything I have done.
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