what did it give to learn and unlearn and learn it again just to unlearn it on purpose?
what did it give to make friends strangers to make strangers friends and then turn them inside out again?
what did it give to live within a dying house without ever exposing yourself to the outside world?
what did it give to push and punch and **** the love inside you just for simply existing?
what did it give to jail the one person who gave you wings and labeled silly old you a friend?
what did it give to dig only one hole in the backyard when you knew there would be too many bodies to hide and bury?
what did it give to sing and sing and giggle and smile when it was all for nothing?
what did it give to kick the benevolent for just being there
to hold your sore arms
and hold you till the damage almost disappeared?
it lingers still without a halo hanging like a poster over the bed.
what did it give to end up being alone in the end?
what did it give to end up exactly like you had always planned?

Let me be clear: it will never be easy.
But it can get better.
But only if you give yourself a chance.
A chance to breathe. To grieve.
To love yourself.
To believe that things can get better.
A chance to believe in yourself.
In the end, it does come down to you
to take the first step.
But once you do, take your time.
You have the rest of your life to follow through.

I know that what I've done so far
Has really helped people.
But sometimes, I wish I didn't care so much. Sometimes, I would give anything to be numb. Because it's so exhausting being a castle of glass. I can't sleep. I can't breathe. Because every day,  I feel myself getting one step closer to the catalyst. The thing that makes me ready to take everything I've built and burn it down. Because in the end, does any of it really matter?

I know you like to be alone.
I know you like to do things on your own.
But some day, you're going to want a friend, so I was wondering,
Would you let me catch you
When you fall?
Would you let me be the one you'd call?
Would you let me help you end a fight?
Would you let me be the one
Who texts good night?
I know you don't want to rely on anyone,
But in the end,
Would you let me be your friend?

They say "it's not about what you say, it's about what you do."
But that's not necessarily true.
Like everything, it depends on the situation.
For example, when it came to writing the declaration,
The act of writing it was just as important as the words they wrote.
What I'm saying is, no one action is more important than another.
What we say, what we do, it's all important.
Because in the end, all we have is each other.

Sometimes, I wish my story
Was written with a pencil
Instead of a pen.
To be able to erase
all the bad times,
The mistakes,
The what could've been's.
But in the end,
I wouldn't trade them for anything.
They made me who I am today.
And to me, that's everything.

If you don't know, I can't tell you who you are.
I can't tell what you'll be
But I can tell you what I see.
When I look in your eyes,
I can see pain you've been trying to disguise.
I see you hoping you can find hope.
And when I look at your face,
I see someone who can never be replaced.
I can see you feel 100 years older
Because you've been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Watching your chest move when you put your hand on your heart, that's proof you're human.
And if you want to find out who you are,
that's a good place to start.
In the end, it doesn't matter what I see.
All that matters is you find a way to love who you are
and look forward to who you'll be.

Will I be
Genuinely happy?
Or will I look back
Back in remorse
Or Regret
The fear of being unhappy
In the end
I want to feel accomplished
Feel the love I dream about
Have the happy ending I fantasize about
About having children
Being married
And abundantly successful
Being successful

I"ll be ok,
I always end up ok