I hate when I have to tell stories about you
people ask how you were
I get so fired up every time I have to tell someone

I tell them how I was terrified
how you would scream and swear at me almost every night
but all I ever did was give you everything you ever wanted.
night after night I would force myself to keep you happy so you wouldn't yell.
I even had to keep it a secret so I wouldn't loose what I now hold so dear to myself.

after your "incident" you said it was all out of "love"
bull. ****.
You tried to force me to like the things you like
think the way you think
basically change everything that I enjoyed and you despised.

Any time I hear certain words that you've found funny
I immediately tell that person to never say it around me again.
Events that you've found "funny" ******* scared me and all you did was laugh.

Any time you were ******* left out of any ******* joke you pulled me to the side
asking why you were left out.
did you ever figure it was because YOU'RE ******* IMMATURE?

You said that every girl before me left and never supported you.
Maybe they got out of there fast once they realized how you are.

Getting away was the absolute best thing I have done
but almost everyday I have this small outburst of anger
cringing and wanting to tell you to your face how messed up you are.
how much you've messed me up.
you changed, you changed real bad.
everyone is pulling away

all because of you
******* little boy blue

The World is as of what you make it;
Would you like it to be a cheerful place?
Then The World is happy, as you make it that way.

The World is as of what you make it;
Would you like it to be an immature place?
Then The World is your playground, as you make it that way.

The World is as of what you make it;
Would you like it to be a creepy place?
Then The World is an Addams Family look-a-like, as you make it that way.

*The World is as of what you make it.
Have fun with it.

young love is too often undermined and discredited
labeled as “silly” or seen as a waste of time
we pay it no heed; calling it a temporary foolishness
they say we cannot fall in love when we are 16
for we have not yet seen the world or faced its worries
and our heart knows nothing of love or of loss
we are too young, they say over and over again,
we are too young to understand what love is and what love brings
we are too young to know what love stands for
or fathom the pain of lost love and a broken heart
we are too young

no

for centuries now, youthful hearts have been termed incapable of truly comprehending the essence of love
more so, they have been termed inept to ever facing true heartbreak
when the tears of mascara flow down their pink, girlish cheeks
they say
you are too young and this is not real
you do not know what love is and you will grow to understand
one day when you face real heartbreak you will think of all this as silly
you will not remember and you will laugh
cry not; for you have not truly loved nor lost

but

how many of us forget the first sleepless night we stayed up waiting for the call that wasn’t coming
how many of us forget the first time we saw them in someone else’s arms
how many of us forget the first time our heart shattered because of the utterance of a single word
“goodbye”
how many of us forget the silence which was all too loud
the tears
or the cold nights
the feeling of having your world crash and burn before your very own eyes
the vulnerability, the helplessness, knowing your heart is in another’s hands
and you can do nothing about it
tell me; how many of us forget?

cradled in your mother’s arms crying the night away
tearing at your skin, wishing his touch had not stained you
your father pacing up and down the hallway
what has happened to my little girl?
on the phone for hours
crying, yelling, whispering; losing your mind
piece by piece everything falling apart
why does it hurt so much
why does it not end?
have you forgotten? have you forgotten your first heartbreak?

no

young love may be amateur
but it is not false
so vulnerable and so ready to jump into a new life
so willing to give up everything and try to make it work
rushing into it so fast and falling into his arms
ready to give her your heart, your soul, your life
our hearts still untouched by barb wires and guard towers

our first kisses are the most memorable
we can still hear the first song we danced to in our heads
memories of us pop in to say hello every now and then
your first is always your most significant
your first is the one that never leaves you alone
you can forgive, you can accept, you can move on
you cannot disremember

young love-
the very purest
young heartbreak-
the very worst

genuine
vulnerable
& true

Grown Up "Cool Kids"*

Nowadays cool kids are wearing business
Suits *and  ties all the boring time,

Nowadays cool kids are chewing tobacco
Drinking Budweiser AND wine,

Nowadays cool kids are driving break neck
Speed to get to everyday places,

Nowadays cool kids are going to war and
Using bombs to "save us,"

Nowadays cool kids are paying $6,000 for
The cheapest pair of braces,

So this is what being "cool" is all about?
And this is what makes America so proud?

Where I come from being cool is being wise,
Staying clean and sober, honest girls and guys,
Who don't have to hurt their health
Just to have a really good time.

And now she's your whole life?
And now she's your whole world?
I just can't believe the way you suddenly feel about her

Perhaps you should have been willing to change
Before she left
Maybe she would have felt more loved
If you would have shut off your play station
Put down your phone
(That was filled with other girls' pictures)
And sat down next to her
Looked in her blue eyes, that run in our family
And say "I love you, and I will do anything to make you happy"

But, of course, unromantic love
Is part of your red neck charm, isn't it?
Well, the closest thing you are to a charmer
Is a king cobra that will strangle you to death
If you don't play the flute right

You plan to live in your mom's house
Until she leaves for an old folk's home
You are such a loving son
And they always say
A man treats his woman how he treats his mom
And that couldn't be further from the truth

You are like a leech that ***** her emotional stamina
And her self esteem
Perhaps that's why she is self-conscious
And covers up her smile
Because you were the one that dimmed her sparkle
By saying "You spent all that time getting ready and you look like that?

And what am I supposed to do?
Comfort her and console her
And reassure her that not all men out there are like you

Oh, yes, you'll look back someday
At this moment that you are in
You'll wish you looked at her and said
"I should have loved you then"

left my family
left my job
i'm hungry and the box spring is broken
there's a knot in my back the size of my fist,
but we have love!
except lately it seems that it's not quite enough.
and now here i am,
in my nice shirt and jeans
chain smoking on the porch
waiting for your mom's car to come around the turn
so we can bail you out together.

This is where I sat, beside you on the bedside.
Looking from here, everything seems to be right.
We laughed, danced and chatted all night.
Taking pictures together, we try to project happiness in our minds.

Bright environment and happy faces.
The weirdest gestures and silly comments.
Those memories that seems to happen just yesterday,
We were merry and all of a sudden, it all goes away.

Laughing, singing then conversing.
Just one funny argument is what's needed to ruin the the whole thing.
Just a remark that's not well thought of is what's left.
An act of unlovingness is what comes next.

We fight, scream and throw things together.
This bond we share is what we called "disgust for each other."
Compromising, forgiving and forgetting the act of another.
That's what we do whenever we fight with one another.

Give it a day, a week, a month or two.
And I'll be finding myself bonding again with you.
The process repeats itself and it's never ending.
We must have miss something from the beginning.

Try, try, try and try, we must.
We'll change, change and change, once more.
Nothing's really happening, my love.
Should we give up trying now?

The change did not made us any wiser.
And the efforts we've put to this thing is what fires up the urge to let go of each other.
Standing from my point of view, a cliff is what awaits us, two.
So we'll try and change again till we're somebody new.

This, us, is going nowhere.
We, on the other hand, should start to focus elsewhere.
We should stop trying now...
We'll just be spinning around and around, not going anywhere.

Compromising, forgiving and forgetting.

Let's just compromise and agree that we're both right.
Forgive each other and ourselves for trying and not being enough, all right?
Forget all that has happened including us and our story.
Take baby steps towards moving on and away from immaturity.

"First, we have to move away from each other, honey.
*I don't know if we could ever be...
lest be willing, again, to consider that possibility."

When I said I love you I meant it as a phrase that was said, was being said, and will continue to be said
I meant that everyday I would say it to you
And everyday no matter what we would be able to look into each others eyes after a long day and whisper them into our ears before falling into the abyss of our sheets
And every moment I took to look at you, you would look at me and memorize the way my lips moved & how my eyes lit up when I spoke these simple meanings to you
I never expected you to turn away from these words, turn away from me
When I spoke them I never thought you would respond with 'OK', squeeze my hand an walk away
That when I stared into your eyes you would be staring at my chest or past my messed up hair and out the window into the world without me
I never thought I love you could turn into I loved you or I need you or even I'm begging you

I always thought you looked at the lights in desperation to connect with my soul
Now I realize you've been looking for an awakening to get yourself out
I guess I was being a little bit immature
And I'm sorry for thinking, in my head, realistically that nothing could amount to everything

It's not often I question my physical age
Until I hear my mental voice desperately trying to engage