What shall it be called when one knows they are failing oneself?
when the simple decision to succeed is the only thing lying between
the fear of failure has been replaced with the fear of fortune and good will

Because, where will the reasons for being the way you are go?
when succession is upon us

It is as if you set out, one day last week, to be the person you have always resented
Sleeping all day, staring at a screen all night and getting nothing done in dreams or real life
With sleep you are met with only nightmares, yet you'd rather be there than here
And your wakefulness only brings about regret for the hours that you spent in your bed

so you sleep again to hope that a new day will erase the problems of yesterday
but instead you bring the problems of today into tomorrow
a never-ending cycle that spins round and round until you're overwhelmed or you don't give two ***** about the person you once were or have become

Completely shut down,
Shut your heart off,
Block the world out,
But stay strong.

Weakness won't work,
Sadness can't swallow you,
Tears will destroy you.

Walking alone in life
For almost two years
not a feeling to be given
your broken heart dropping pieces
with each step you take

a tear shred in the bathroom
in the back ally bar you hide yourself in
a dark cloud hovers over you
with each drug you take

Making horrible choices
seeing terrible faces
debating horrific scenarios
playing your past on repeat

Walking around like nothing is wrong
Wearing a smile that could light up the dark
making jokes like your life depends on it
Laughing a shallow and hollow chuckle

Sleeping with people
if you don't like them
they can't touch you
mentally
physically
or emotionally

                                                 numb.  
            numb.    
                       numb.
                                                    numb.
                                                                        numb.  
                            numb.

Cant feel anything
everything is falling apart.

Until one day I met your smile.

Maybe this something is the fact, that he has a girlfriend.
Maybe this something is the fact that he treats her well, which confirms my picture, my imagination of him.

But maybe this something is my hope, when he told me, something in their relationship seems to fade, seems to be lost.

Maybe I just like complicated things.
Maybe I just like daydreaming about someone, who doesn’t love me.

Who probably never will.

Nothing mends a broken soul
The feeling of giving up
and losing all goals
The constant fear of f*ckingup
and a heart with a gaping hole.