there’s million broken thoughts
behind that forced smile
there’s a million broken silent screams
behind that forced laugh

tell me why everyone has to hide it
when we’re all feeling the same thing
i promise i understand what you’re going through
we’re all feeling the same thing

Miss Perfect
Who has everything going for her, always achieving her goals and striving for more.

She has a fantastic family who watch over her, support her, give her anything she needs.

Not only a family, but a lover! At 23? to have a fiance?? Wow she has really got everything going for her.

She's so headstrong - intimidating even, thats so admirable. She is always so motivated, never letting her mind stray from what she wants.

She's going to have a great life.

But what they don't know,
what they don't see
are the ***** imperfections
the scars
the pulling of her skin and hair
the cuts
the blood
the waking up in cold sweats
the s c r e a m i n g
the crying, crying, crying,
the plan, written out in full with a date stamped on the front
the pain
the insults ripping through her mind every second of every day

They don't really see her, at all.
Just what they want to see.

I started hiding parts of me until they’ve  got mad and left.

I’m the only one that knows the pain in my heart,
I put a shield up
A smile on
You can’t see
My secret
Tortured soul
When I put on my masks
People don’t know any better
They've always seen me with them on
Who would think that it’s a mask?
After all
How many secrets can such a bright smile hide?

When you are laughing so hard
It's hard to breath
But you can't stop that smile

When you think of your crush
You are just so happy
Your smile is effortless
It just happens
A reaction

Then there is the one
That you are so used to
That one where you have to use all of the muscles in your face
It takes all of your energy
Because it's so hard to fake now a days

A smile can tell so much
And nothing at all

Because people can't see what's behind closed doors
And a wide smile

.............
Safely
Evading
Cones and rods of the eyes,
Running away from
Exposure until
Time runs out and it's
Show time!

The mask comes undone.
Once and for all; the rhinestone covered face breaks. Tiny pieces of glass, falling.

And behind it was a face that no one had seen. One that no one would've imagined.
How could such a beautifully painted smile lie in pieces now?
As this fragile girl stood crying. A wave of sadness overtook the atmosphere. And suddenly they knew her suffering had become too much. They saw the heartbreak in her eyes, and the scars on her body that never healed.

i want to leave this life and lose myself
in these poems that tell my story better than i ever could.
i want to end this life and
sprinkle the ashes between the pages,
put them in the paper and have those words
printed on my bones.

i never want to lose these feelings.
out there it’s cold,
and even the people you love can
leave scars behind.
inside this cracked spine
my fears are laid bare;
everything i hate about myself,
everything i hide about myself.
if i could never tell the truth,
breathe these poems and let them say it for me,
i would be happy


                                                         ­                              to no longer exist.