I don't know how to start this
But I swear it's ******* with my mind
Cause the way you never miss
And the way it makes me cry

Why's she always first?
And the way you always seem to make it worse
Why can't I just ignore it?
For her I'd just die for it

It makes me sick
It makes me cry
It makes me wish I could denie
Denie the fact that she's important
To repair your broken comportment

I hate your jokes
I hate my life
It's tiring me
It makes me die

And yet I always seem to come back trying
Trying to keep myself from falling
Into that deep cage again
Where I never seem to be the same

And I love her
I really do
But your indecisive way of being "you"
Makes my mind go back again
To the place I've always fell

And I tired to ignore it
Annoyed I avoided
Avoided my feelings
Desperate to cover the grave
Where I hid my toxic trait.

Do you dare to search deep within me,
reveal my darkest secrets
and uncover the truth?

I am a master of disguise,
displays of emotion are denied
enough to outwit any sleuth.

So I must ask...
Are you sure you want to see
what is behind this mask?

©️Lizzie Bevis

I know my friends don't like you
But they will never know
That I'm actually dating you
In my own love show

I hate to stick to hiding
Hiding in the shadows of
My one and only, my fake love

Cause it's all in my head
When my mind is asleep
You're like a useless secret
That I'm willing to keep

An unwanted prize
That's what lies
Beyond the reflection of skies
Behind these blue eyes
Past this gentle disguise
Child like but wise
Keeping from view what would give rise
To a litany of farewells and goodbyes

©2024

Theres a part of me swirling around inside
Hoping to be free, to be discovered.
Yet when I let it out, everything changes.
It takes over me completely.
Consumes my soul and the darkness overtakes the light.  
I drown in my own freedom..
Am I supposed to bury it down so deep I hopefully forget about it?
I can live in the light and pretend the rest doesn’t exist.
Yet I’ll be denying a whole entire half of me.
I don’t know if it’s even half really..
It doesn’t like to share..
it’s either dwindled down n hidden or it takes completely over.
But I can’t deny it’s there even while suppressing it so well.
Even in my happiest moments it finds a way of exposing itself and I have to cover it up with a fake smile and pretending to be perfectly well.
It hits me like a brick ******* wall.
No matter how high the bliss or how low the pits I’m in.
It always has a way of surprising me.. reminding me it’ll never go away.
I could live a lie, or live completely taken by this darkness.
I fear there is no middle ground here.

You say quote, "it should be easy to see" that you love me
Promising me, biyearly, that I'm your one and only
Your heart was supposedly given to me willingly
But you kept the key
So I wait endlessly for you outside the entry
I pine for you in spite of me
Yet you waste no desire on me
Avoiding anything resembling intimacy
Can't even toss me something phony
Hiding that half of your beauty from me
While forcing me to ignore that better half of me
Both instantly and,
It's occurred to me more recently,
Possibly for all eternity
Won't ******* like I'm somehow below me
I faintly remember you'd at least pity fuuck me
Now I seem to turn you off completely
Acting like you need to do absolutely nothing sexually
Literally refusing to be seen hand in hand in public with me
You constantly go out of your way to physically avoid me
The reason?
Because you know you've hooked me already
Leaving you to instantly cancel the pageantry
But is it to much to ask to willingly snuggle up close to me?
Hell...it must be...
Because you're giving off that type of energy
While ******* the entirety of my passion till my souls empty
Not s single thought on how this might affect me
You've more that just damaged me
But go ahead and ignore what's going to finally break me completely
No, really
Step back through the stage curtain and curtsy, you've beat me

©2024

Something doesn't feel right, could be that my head isn't ******* on tight
Could be that, try as I might, the absence of light shrouds the line between wrong and right
Hiding in plane sight but fright often forces the eyes closed, a blind plight
Never found the passion to ignite
Didn't think it possible to gaslight ones self outta spite
Never shined bright enough to conquer or at the very least scatter this proverbial night
Narrow vision and bad eyesight was my faley alright
Hit and fell through my rock bottom with the force of a meteorite
Bobbed instead of weaved and lost the fight, but not contrite
Many issues I'd like to extradite back to their day of origin, with new insight I'd like a full rewrite

©2024

I feel safer somewhere cold and dark
Like my lonely, ransacked heart
At times it has played the part
Tucked behind a fleshy rampart
Casting a stark silhouette,
Becoming somewhat of a trademark
Can't remember when it lost it's spark
It had to have been sometime, way back,
Before the halfway mark
The memory gets a bit hazy,
Especially when trying to recall the start
What I get to deal with now is,
Just how quickly it all fell apart

©2024