In the quiet corners of my
mind, I get lost
in my words –
as are my thoughts swirling
like leaves in the wind.
My notebook and pen become my
abditory:
a secret refuge where I
can disappear.

__

And it is here, in this
cherished hideaway, that I
lose
myself completely,
enveloped in the embrace
of
ink and paper,
crafting a reality
all my own.

Some kids hide in attics
some in the wooden shed outside
a hide away,
away from trouble  
and leave the world aside

but when I was younger
I’d hide up on the roof
leaving them below to wonder
“Where’d he go, just ****!”

but, “I’m just here, aunt Molly!”
here at the top, way up high
pretending I had wings
and a little closer to the sky

peering down on people passing
writing poetry on the roof
watching the world below me changing
still high and still aloof

till that day I come down wondering
where’d all the people go?
now that I’m much the more older
I’d really like to know

i'll put my foot
in between the cracks
on the concrete slabs
and i will believe that i am
divided in half
never choosing my own path-
the foot will remain in the middle
between the sides
between the opposite ends and times
yet nothing is perfectly in between
the molecules unseen
lean to a side we don't believe
is what we really are
but we can deny the power of
choice-

we all believe
we are the in between
the new believers-
hiding everything
hoping that the secrets
wont find their seekers!
and the people we surround ourselves with!
are the people who will let us fall deeper!
we are afraid of the slightest criticism
and the feeling that we've been tricked by a deceiver!
so we ask those who follow our side
to turn around and grow blind eyes
so that we can keep hiding
we can keep on fighting
the internal battle for our lives!
-all alone-

and no one can show me the way
no one can show me the way back home-
for if i knew the way
i don't think i would go-
for i am afraid
i am afraid of what they'd know
and what they would say to my face
about the life that i now own-
for i don't want them to see
i don't want them to see this me
because i can't stand this part of my self
and the way that i drown in this sea-

and i'm all alone-
i'm alone in this place
because i was afraid to be real with those that love me-

It's true I have some regrets in life
The truth is..... I think now..... I should
    have been Zardo and not Bardo
Zardo I think has more of a 'Zing' to it
It's a bit like Zorro
For I too wear a mask, I write hidden
    behind a pseudonym
Moving stealthily like some elusive
    Ninja warrior,
Or like some swashbuckling pirate
    hero yeah!
I descend upon the Site with a
   flourish
Swinging in like Errol Flynn trailing
    behind me great romance and
        adventure
I bring my magic, I dazzle with my
    swordplay, my verbal acrobatics
Send all the shadows fleeing,
rescuing the poor damsels, the sad
   heroine grieving
Releasing the downtrodden from
their onerous chains and shackles
Bringing Justice once more to the
    World
I bring them all a gift... the gift of... of
    Freedom!!!
Then as suddenly as I came... I'm gone,
    yea! I vanish
But not before leaving my mark, with
    lightning strokes, my Calling Card
A big "Z" Z for Zardo, written,
     emblazoned with my sword:
The people they all gather around
  just like detectives after a crime
They view my wonderful damage,
   can only stare and marvel
Then someone shouts, he points a
    finger
"Look!! The sign! Z!!! It was Him...it...it
    was Zardo!!!"
"Zardo!!!" the whole crowd gasps in
    awed hushed tones,
"It...it was Zardo!!!"

All I need now is a good theme tune
[Song: O Zar..arr..do! Where do you come from/ Where do you go Zar..arr..do!]

                         II

O! the ladies of an evening, they come
    out onto their balconies to coo
To watch the sun set & the rising of
   the Moon
Secretly they sigh and whisper onto
    themselves
"O! Zardo, where art thou, my Sweet
    Prince, my Secret Love
How my heart it longs, it yearns for
    thee,
I can see you, see you almost, upon a
    striking Black Horse galloping
[Song: O! Zarr...arr...do, your brooding
    dark looks, your flashing blade/
Riding through the Glens of Ireland
    yeah!].
O! Zardo, in my dreams I walk with
    thee, you hold me in your arms
O! Zardo, can I see it...will you not show it to me....let me touch it, hold it,
   feel it...your... your gleaming sword,
     your flashing blade yea!
Your golden pen from which
   beautiful dreams are made
O! Zardo your golden Excalibur like
   sword
Please! O Please! Unsheathe it!"
[Song: O! Zar..arr..do, with your eyes so soft/ But your arms so strong/
O! Zar..arr..do, Greatest Lover of them
    all!]

O! the wind it rustles in the trees, a fleeting shadow flits across the fields
"O! Zardo, is that you ? Is that you ? "
   they cry,
My Darling ! my Sweetness !
My shadowy Knight, my Heart's
   Delight".
[Song:  The Wind it whispers
   Zar..arr..do/ The valleys they echo
    his name]
O! Zardo if only you were here... if
   only".

                             III

Meantime back in my sanctuary
   hideaway home, safely ensconced
I reside....like some insanely brilliant
   criminal mastermind
Here I can be myself, here I can laugh,
Here I can unwind, let my guard
   down
Remove my cape and mask, lay my
   sword aside
Here I can feast in peace & toast my
   Art sublime
And around my fireside wildly dance
   and sing
             "O! they know me,
       Yet they know me not Ha! Ha!"
Like some impish Rumpelstiltskin.....
[Song: O! Zar..arr..do, Nobody knows from whence he comes/ Or where he goes/ Mysterious Masked stranger/ Fearless Lone Ranger... Zar..arr..do!]

                           IV

But now, back here in the real world
I must again resume my humble
   place/role...my double life
Don my Civy clothes once again
& like a chameleon blend in with the
   crowd
Just another nameless face...a mere
   office worker by day
[Distant Song: O! Zar..arr..do]
Here I must play another game,
   maintain my secrecy at all times,
Feeling like a Secret Agent, feeling
   like a spy
I must yes!....I must live a lie
For they must never know my secret
Who l really am... my true identity
Yes! I must be merciful to them &
   mercy show them (& to myself also)
For my sun...my sun it would burn too
   brightly for them
They'd all be starstruck, yea! they'd go
   all funny, all wobbly on me
They'd be stuttering and stammering,
   jibbering and jabbering
They'd go all self-conscious on me,
   not know what to say or do
They'd be all staring, they'd be all
   agog
"I never knew what Genius would
   ever look like", they'd say,
"And all the time it was sitting there
  right in front of me, right in our
    midst,
But... but he's so quiet and he looks so
   ordinary"
They'd come down from other floors
   just to see me
They'd whisper excitedly "Is that Him?  Is that Him?"
And the others would reply "Yes! that's Him, that's Genius! that's what
      Genius looks like"
Why! it'd be suffocating, I'd find it
   hard to breathe
I'd grow self-conscious too
I'd be just like an exhibit in the zoo.

And yet, y'know, there's this girl at
   work, she's really sweet
She always has a lovely smile just for
   me
So quiet and so graceful
O! how I wish... how I wish sometimes
I could just tell her, reveal myself to
   her, the real me
Silently I call out to her, "No! this isn't the real me you see before you
No! I'm not this dithering Klark Kent
   type office mouse
Look!!! (ripping off my shirt and tie revealing my Superman/Zardo vest)
Me! I'm Superman! Yes! I'm Zardo!!!"
[Music strikes up: O! Zar..ar..do! So
  strong, so gallant, so bold! Zar..ar..do]
And she'd start to say almost afraid
" You, you're Zardo" and she'd start to
   swoon, to feel faint
But I'd grab her and take her in my
   arms, my strong embrace
"No!" I'd assure her, "don't be afraid,
    no harm will come to thee
Fear not, you won't go aflame
Look! I'm just another human being,
   just like yourself"
"But you, you're Zardo", she'd protest,
" Look! " I'd say smiling, "touch me
   and see, pinch me if you like
I'm just flesh and blood, no different
   than you",
"Come!" I'd say, "take my hand, climb up here onto my horse, Let me take you to the stars and beyond
Yea! Let me take you home, home to my place"
And she'd take my hand and off we'd go
Galloping away together into the moonlit night.
[Song: O! don't go Zar..arr..do, don't leave us here all alone.... They call him Zar..arr..do.....].

And his legend, it goes on....
                                     
                    ­                                                              "Z"

I am tired.
So tired of trying.
Yet, I don't have a choice,
Unless if I am dying.

Bloodshot eyes,
Overused mind.
Chapped lips,
I am one of a kind.

Is failure an option?
If yes, then why so?
I just can't seem to escape,
I got nowhere to go.

Just for a single moment,
Can you pull away from that glass,
Look me in the eye and tell me,
That this time is the last?

Stay there for a minute,
I have just one thing left to say.
You're significance in my life,
Has meant something to me until today.

Please wait for me, will you?
I have to put on my coat.
You're leaving me behind,
And a lump is forming in my throat.

Resurface from your dark cave,
And come out to meet my eye.
If I no longer mean a thing to you,
Then have the decency to say goodbye!

I know you're hurting in your own way,
But I'm only the enemy in your mind.
I'd sooner be the one to make you happy again,
Instead of being here, left behind.

I'm being honest, despite my sharp words.
Maybe someone needs to tell you the truth:
You're so consumed by yourself that you don't see
This is not all just about you!

Outside your cave is a big, bright world,
And I'm standing here, waiting on you, on my own.
I would attempt to approach your stony structure,
But it doesn't feel much like home.

Could you just open up for a second,
I promise you I mean you no danger.
Or are you afraid of meeting my old eyes,
In case you just see another stranger?