Watch me pick pieces
Cardiac geometry
Repair rut you ripped

this obsession creeping into my veins
your ghost screams so loud sometimes
never forget

it's been a year
you've festered and grown
knawing away at my resolve

the one that got away,
the warmth you bring to my broken soul
a comfort i'd wish would leave like you

In solitude I retreat,
a hermit seeking solace.
Depression, my companion,
wrapping me in its Melancholic shroud.

I sever threads of connection,
Words become heavy stones,
and I carry them alone.

If possible, I seek forgiveness for my withdrawal,
For it is not you I flee from,
but the tempest within that threatens to consume me.

When storms rage, I seek refuge
in the caves of my mind,
where echoes of past battles revive.

But know this, my tender-hearted muse,
Your tears are constellations,
each drop a universe of hurt.

I ache to see your face again.
Yet my hands tremble,
afraid that their touch will unravel storms.

So here I stand silent,
Know that my withdrawal is not apathy,
but a dance of desperation.

When the tempest subsides,
when I emerge from my self-imposed exile,
I'll trace constellations upon your skin, and
and whisper, "I was lost, but now I'm found."

For in silence, I seek healing,
and in your eyes, I find my North Star.

Maybe we can—
but I can’t.
I can’t continue on this path,
I can't destroy myself for you.

I cherished my life,
gave everything I had,
but I know,
it’s not enough.
I understand,
but I can’t do this anymore.

I’ve had enough.
I want to live,
live my own life,
not in your shadows.
I can’t be who you want me to be.

I want to escape.
To breathe,
to be free from all of you.
I can't even breathe here

"Calm down; you’re overthinking it."
No, I’m not.
It’s not me
It’s you.
You’re the ones playing with my mind,
driving me mad.

I’m scared.
Terrified of living like this,
of living with you.
I beg you,
please,
let me go.

Let me go.
Let me go,
and let me live my life

I Am a Sinner
I am a sinner,
My mind is a mess.
Where I find comfort,
I sleep the deepest rest.

I should say,
I am a sinner
For I sleep
While my mother is dying.

I am a sinner,
For I eat,
While my mother is starving

I built myself a garden
I locked myself inside
All the flowers smelled like you
Until they released their pollen
And it clung to my lungs
Mucous lining my throat
Keeping me from breathing
When the blooms became overgrown
The vines creeped up my legs
Wrapping around my waist
And as the thorns hooked themselves beneath my skin
Poison flowing through them into my veins
Like an IV of pain and suffering
They pulled me around that god forsaken garden
Like a marionette of flesh, blood, and reluctant willingness
I remember the bees buzzing your name
Cheerfully at first
And then the droning became painful
Until my ears oozed
And my brain felt as if it would spill out from them
And when it did
It fell into a pile beside me
And it grew into tree
Releasing a new kind of oxygen
That clouded my judgement
I became addicted
I fell in love with being used
I fell in love with being blind
I fell in love with being broken down
I fell in love with the pain.
And when summer ended
And autumn began
The flowers shriveled
And suddenly I could breathe
And the bees returned to their hive to sleep
And suddenly I could hear my own cries for help
And the vines loosened
And the fruit the tree bore fell
And when I took a bite
It seemed to travel to my skull
And replaced the hole where my brain used to be
And
And suddenly I could think.
Suddenly I could understand
This wasn't love.
It isn't love.
So I ripped open my ribcage
And I tore into my heart
And pulled out a key
Covered in sinew and blood and fragments of the bones that grew a shell around it
And I unlocked that ****** gate
That had grown so small
I crawled through
And walked away
But after some time
The garden called to me
And when I returned,
Stupid stupid me,
I was reluctant
But the flowers smelled sweeter
And the bees were singing softly
And tree was in bloom
And the petals gently kissed the grass
And I let myself be consumed once again
But this time I had armed myself
And when the vines extended themselves towards my limbs
And the bees screamed angrily
And the flowers on the tree began to rot and die
I pulled out my weapon
I lit a match with the fire that was started within me
And I threw it into the center of the garden
And I burned that ******* to the ground.