The girl with the big heart.

Yeah, that’s me.

I am who I choose to let you see.

I have a “*******” shell, but soft *** inside.

I must protect my big heart, that always manages to dramatically decrease in size.

At times, I wonder if people see my heart on my sleeve.

I doubt it all the time, ‘cause I try my hardest to hide it from thee.

I would let you borrow it, but it’s too big. You might break it.

In other words, I’m bad at trusting people, because I overthink their intentions.

Open my heart ? Naw, my mind is open though.

You can crash in my brain, but you’ll never get to my heart, yo.

On my mind is what you’ll always be, you can’t lie on my heart.

I am a sweet girl, but I must remain guarded.

It’s boys out here that think they have my heart, but I never put it on sale.

Sorry that you thought it was on the market.

I’m a difficult girl, with an oversized heart.

Will you fight to win it, or struggle trying to be a part ?

When I look at you, I see a wall:
A wary way of walking through the world,
hands pushed deep into your pockets,
keeping them safe from other hands.
Your laughter comes only controlled,
even smiles sometimes shielded
during our careful conversation
that’s calculated before it clears the air,
sentences screened for slips of the tongue,
holding back secrets that sit in your silences
when I ask the questions you can’t answer.

Whoever took that hammer to your heart
has this hard shell to answer for,
this barrier built on top of broken trust,
a mountain I am not strong enough to move
so instead I choose to love you from the outside in,
drumming on the door of this fortress you made
when someone made a fool of you.
May this love make such music that one day
you find yourself holding my hands
as we dance to it, laughing, talking, smiling, free.

Moral pulls herself up
by her own bootstraps
on her high horse boots
with stir ups when I visit
and the rocking chairs
throw down newspapers
and stand to attention
in the name of Moral support
looking like we might be game
who holds the whip hand in this sport?

I straddle the fence
with her strict father
Duty
Duty gives the orders here
we try to carry them out
they're no heavy burden
not keeping mum Mercy
from being close
to daughter Moral
Duty is of higher rank
and gives Moral
direction
Duty sets the boundary
Mercy's bound to
follow
while Moral
carries the compass
and the compassion
of a conscience

Me?
I'm loyal
love enough
and
light enough
to jump the fences
with my own defence
Moral permits

This defence is
good for morale
but Duty is always on guard
for Moral
a perfect match
that can have
a deadly when ignited
bite to catch
those who are free spirited

When Duty's asleep
alone
he leaves a stern
guardian
off the safety catch
in Duty of care
for Moral
- Discipline

I must steal
this care
away
from the arms of Discipline
when Moral's involved
because Discipline
in the hands of Duty
would explode in the face
of neighbourly straying
should Duty do what he sees
fit
without Mercy at his side

But should Duty awaken
alone
to his Moral's
dilemma
I fear
his Moral Discipline
can be Merciless

Did we burn our breeches?
almost
we rode a city of them
chaste
off racecourse
to show
Moral Italy

This reoccurring nightmare overrules me deep in sleep
Won’t wake me from my slumber,
Imprisons me in this keep


I try to run, I try to scream.
This is my certainty
Stuck in this bad dream


There, all about me are these stone cold walls
Over-protecting, so suspicious, untrusting …
They guard my soul.
Asking why are they so **** tall.


Restricting my heart I’m bound.
Powerless, I trail this authority
What hope is there now?


I pray in this frigid nightmare for the strength that I won’t break
Eager to be released from this lonely place
I’ll lie right here. My sanity they can’t take.

I stand there...

See you.

These times are not like time before these now broken nights.

I reach out...

You're close...

So close,

But you are too far away.



Forbidden to stare, Can't even care,

No touch...

I can taste how hell is like.



One tear, Shatters my cracked heart.

Your eyes meet mine...

Finally.

& I can see your soul.



Your eyes hold me ransom to myself,

& freeze me where I stand.



Guarded emotions bring me down to my knees as I take you in.

Timeless kiss... Ends to soon.

You leave me wanting more.

But you are gone.



I'm left empty.

Confused.



Feeling in need of something...

Of you...

You hold the key to my pain,

My love...



You keep my sane.

But I'm left hurt and nothing to gain.



This is me without you.