before,
how people grow up
why people change
who people become
what people fall for
where people find home
if love even exists

then,
these happened to me
one at a time
or simultaneously

now,
it is still ongoing
it is inevitable

you pull through
you get a grip
you kick and move
you start swimming

Everyone told you
That growing up meant
Being free
Being yourself
Yet they somehow forgot to mention
That the feeling
Of suppressing yourself
Of locking yourself up
Never truly goes away
Past insecurities
Past self-doubt
All come rushing back
Like a tidal wave right before the crash
You've tried too hard
Now people think you're weird
You've tried to little
Now people think you're just lazy
You want to try new things
Meet new people
But meeting new people
Was never what you expected
They are cruel, vile beasts
Ready to attack at one sign of weakness
Rip your flesh out
But save your heart for last
So you feel every last ounce of it
No matter how hard you struggle
People will only see the surface
And once you're tagged
There's no escape
Because they will find you
Torture you
Until that one insecurity
Turns into thousands
And what's left?
Of you?
Of them?
Of your heart?
When people tell you
To grow up
Tell them
That you're staying
Right where you are
Planted in the ground
Because who really needs to grow up?

Play dates
Soul mates
This is how it was
Constant fun
Young one
As we grew old
If we only stayed.
If we never wasted away.
If it just stayed how it was.

It seems as we age
We drifted apart
The love we shared was
meaningless.
Now I feel
Empty
Because I know I am
Alone

Not even 18

She told me to sleep on the streets

“time to be an adult”

Jobs and school are not cool

Dreams and ambitious cannot take flight

But there’s no point in a fight

So I try with all my might

Sleeping on the steps

Working 8 hours shifts

School is a gift

No time to drift

Not even 18

Yet I’ve aged far beyond my years
all in one night.

Young man
You act so world weary
But what do you know about life
Was it your mother or your father
Maybe it was your friends

Young man
You’re too young to be tired
They haven’t taken it from you yet
There is so much time left
Is there something you need to say

How much time do you need
I can’t tell you the answer
But if you need any time at all
Then you’ll never start
Because what you could never be
Is a book written by your heart

Young man
I can’t see your broken mind
Did you think wisdom was pain
You can’t pretend to be crying
If you’re looking for meaning

Young man
There’s nothing sacred about defeat
You heard a preacher that you rejected
You became a tale of locked coffins
Salvation was not pleasing to you

How much truth do you need
I can’t tell you the answer
But if faith is a fools game to you
Then you’ll never know
Because what you could never be
Is a book written by your soul

there once was an englishman
and he treated me as well as the bee treat the flowers as they land,
and the englishman told me everyday,
how much he truly loved me,
how he loved me as if I was the only girl around,
how he told me I would be the sexiest girl in any town,
and the englishman told me he loved me,
and it took me quite a while to actually believe,

but, this englishman did other things for me,
when he'd talk I feel in love with his voice,
and his smartness,
and his jokes,
and his way to always throw into the conversation,
a million compliments,
and I could barely find the words to say thank you most times,
and I was shocked to hear all the lovely things he had said about me,
rather than the usually flaw countdown party I got daily,

and I hated myself,
that I could not say I love you back,
for a while I don't know why I didn't believe,
why I felt like it was too good to be true,
and how I wanted to grow up each second I spoke to him,
so I could move away to see him,

so, I truly loved this person,
and I kept thinking and waiting,
for when,
he'd stop,
loving me too,