Amid the thundering exterior of redemption, and the pulsing currents encompassing repossession, I find something more gentle inside recovery.
A faint radiance, of which resembles an immersion amongst the tenderness of learning how, once again, to bloom.

I spectate a sharp face,
once capable of temptation,
shift to an eerie expression,
In the afterglow of a flame
I can no longer cultivate.

always a tear
falls
drawn toward the earth

for what is crying,
if not growing

The lilies bloom in these
Murky waters fuelled
By the pristine dreams
Of mine that brings
A smile on the eyes
Of the beholder that
Lurks in these waters.

I'm a broken piano
             missing keys..

But if doesn't matter what
            I lack I'll evolve
myself to play without
    
             the necessity of what
others use and make more of
            what i have rather

than what I don't and my symphony

           will be one to  astound
the sensibility of all who listen to it.

To my dearest self,
Most of the time I yearn to be you again because growing up is weird
Growing up is having to adjust to each an every event that occurs on this planet
You lose yourself for a moment then fight for your sanity
Well, atleast half of it
You grow up to be a walking contradiction
Because society itself is contradictory
" Be yourself ": they say, " but not like that"
Now you tune into your survival mode just to get through the day
You lose friends, yes even the ones you called "bestfriend forever"
Because "Forever" now has a subtle "hopefully" prior to it
Everything now is shortlived
There's too much violence, malice and deceit
Many lives are taken
Many people are unhappy
Ego is the new 60% and 40 is figuring out what 20 could be.
We feed each other pain like it's a daily bread
While trauma is the new normal
And being cool means hurting the one you love.
We lie so much we end up lying to ourselves, then we go into a battle of trying to know ourselves.
Crazy right?
Growing up you find yourself in an academy, "a real life academy", a Wise one once said.
You learn, you unlearn and you survive then you learn again.
It's a whole neverending vicious circle.
But trust me when I say, you are going to be alright.
Because amidst the chaos, you will find a beautiful and deserving love.
You will lose friends and gain new precious ones.
You will find perfection in your imperfections and make it work.
You will find peace within yourself
You will understand the meaning of being in the moment.
Mostly, you will be happy and find healing.
Just be patient
Because life can be beautiful when you alienate yourself from the norm and just be!

Remember to love yourself always!

Love,
your older self

The spin to my records, Scream

Makes it all easier

To face the music

Relentless trouble

And I drown it all out with noise

A choice between Hell and America

Heaven now too good for anyone

I perish between

The perfect and righteous

The flawed, Rip the hostages

I've trapped

In my mind

They are chained and scarred by my mistakes

That in the moment were choices opposed

To a dead end

My screams now level

Only an octave higher

From the massacre I've deserved

I've been targeted

After...

All the abuse and trauma I caused

How could I have known then?

My mind once creating scenarios on how

I'd sceme my way into getting what I craved

I, deprived of what was not needed

Just wanted it so bad

Those I've hurt

I'd never hurt again

If given all tools and resources to do such

I'd use them upon my soul

To dispose of reek planted by shame

You live and learn

And all my knowledge now

Is put on hold until

Their hurt

Mirrors mine

Resembling

Shattered plastic

Because I'm stubborn

And Glass too fragile

Reminds me of a relic reflection