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Orategile Dec 2019
Sometimes we think a lot about friendships and relationships that didn't work out
Late at night we blame ourselves because no apologies were said
You grow to be enemies because no conversation was laid
But remember everything fades.
Sometimes we think a lot about our future
We forget that our present needs our nurture
We have embedded our past to torture
And now it's hard to forget about her
But remember this shall pass too.
Sometimes we don't get what we want
Not because we can't
Not because of trite
But because God's timing is always right.
Sometimes we feel lost
We try hard and nothing works out!
Faith is lost!
Belief is lost!
Hope is lost!
Just breathe...
And remember life is a road trip.
Orategile Dec 2019
At 1:45 the breakdown occurred
The doors of hurt found their way around the pretence
Knocked tirelessly to my doors of positive thoughts
But they too couldn't come to my defense
However, I fought
I tried to fight it back
Then came a voice, a voice too soft yet so loud It had me weak
"Release me" it said
At 1:45 the breakdown occurred
I had to allow myself to forcefully feel the pain
Opening the doors full of taint
There I was opening old wounds
Wounds I thought I have buried down to my soul
At 1:45 the breakdown occurred
I flooded so much I felt all the hurt running through my veins
That's when I knew you brought back unbearable pains
5 years down the line
I'm still not fine
5 years down the line
I'm still not enough
5 years down the line
Now it's a battle against you, me, myself and my mind
At 1:45 the breakdown occurred
Orategile Oct 2019
They said to be beautiful is to love thyself
I guess I'm too ugly to even trust myself
They said to be amazing is to have confidence
I guess I'm too overwhelmed to know the precedence
They said to know yourself is key
I guess I'm too far yearning for happiness to even be
They said being happy makes you healthy
I guess I've been too sad to notice that I'm grumpy
They said...
I guess I'll keep guessing until I have the last word to myself
Orategile Oct 2019
Today I realised I hated everyone
Today I realised I'm a hateful being
People smiling, I hated it
People laughing, I cringed
People talking, I boiled
To the highest temperature
I cried
Suddenly I realised it was me I hated
So my anger protruded to the harmless
Hoping to feel better
Today I realised I hated myself

O. Aphane
Orategile Sep 2019
Dear Mama, it pains to write this letter to you
I just never thought that this would be the kind of letter I write to you
I wish I was on vacation to send you one telling you how ecstatic I am
How I wish you were here with me
How joyful I am that I worked so hard to be where I am today
Or that you should come to see your daughter graduate
But,
I'm sorry Mama that I didn't come back home
I'm sorry Mama I missed dinner
I'm sorry I missed our 17:00 PM show that we used to watch together to feel happier
I'm sorry you have no one to talk to now because I couldn't come back home
I'm sorry the outfit you bought for me on Christmas is torn
Raptured to pieces like carcasses
Because I was raptured by a vulture
I'm sorry I couldn't get back to my room to read the letter you sent me from the post office
I'm sorry I wasn't aware that it was now unsafe to go there
I'm sorry but I didn't know that it would be my last day to breathe
I'm sorry Mama I couldn't come back home
But I'm safe now, I'm safe now mama
As I write this letter to you, I now know I shouldn't send it to the post office because I don't want the vulture to catch you too
I'll be waiting for you Mama, I'll be waiting for you.
But...
I'm sorry Mama I couldn't come back home.

O.Aphane
Dedicated to all women and young girls who were ***** and murdered not only in South Africa but all over the world too.
Orategile Aug 2019
Your love is the greatest feeling you give to me
Never will I compare
Never will I despair
It is home to my sanity
The common place for my tranquillity
The high to my low of which I can call my Mary Jane
Nonchalantly, away you take the pain
My wish is for it to take most of it away
But these are the unspoken words I wish to hear
Making you happy
Driving you insane to the sight of seeing me
Not feeling ashamed
And most of all loving me without a doubt
I know I'm too far from being perfect
Too far from being perfect for you
But these are the unspoken words I wish to hear from you

O.Aphane
Orategile Aug 2019
MIND
To my mind, the most high that controls every part of me. I apologise, I apologise for feeding you with endless negativity, which left you in pain, for always putting you in the back sit when all you yearned for was to shine. I shut you out when you wanted was to prove that you can. I have made you susceptible to every thorn shot at you, and all I did was hide while you took the fall. To my conscious, my deepest apology.

BODY
To my body, to you that has been wonderfully made by the most high, to you whom is my fortress and my pillar, to you whom is the epitome of a Queen. One that is hailed by every eye it catches. To you who has the ability to poise down the streets of gravel road, yet I shame you and put you down. To my fortress that keeps me in one piece, the unique, the exquisite art that is you, designed by one enigma of an artist who is unknown to the eye but known by the soul. Even when I almost cut you to cause you pain for my own selfish reason. My deepest apology.

FACE
To you, the one that is the revealer of what is felt inside. My apologies for all the unwanted masks when all you yearned for was to smile. I know there are days when I look at you and feel less of a person compared to everyone else, days where I ask myself "what about this flaw? too big, too small, can't I just exchange?". My apologies to you for always looking in the mirror and not like what I see. Most of all, I thank you for always glowing and loving me even when I fail to see it.

You are very beautiful, believe it until it's impossible to. From me to you, my sincere apology.

O.Aphane
This was an apology to myself for not loving myself all this time. An apology for feeling insecure and wanting to change myself.

— The End —