Suddenly it's there
Where it wasn't
You see the space
Let the black wings reach

You take a photo
It's not good
You try to understand
You fail

Suddenly it's clear
You're the center of attention
It's not a parade or a circumvention
It's a burial and you're present
You're lowered into the ground
And your soul is fleeting
It's not tragic or special
It's your next birthday

Death watches us all.
At our birth, death lies beyond sight
and is merely informed of our existence.
But as time progresses, death plods forth
from beyond the horizon to the fog’s end.
At that point, death watches,
looming in the distance,
standing, dark as night.
For the unfortunates death comes early.
For the over-extenders death waits patiently.
But for all, death comes.
We near death; death nears us,
counting down our every breath
until the last.

I sat on the side of the hospital bed waiting for the tubes to be removed
I sat on the side of the hospital bed praying for you to breathe
I sat on the side of the hospital bed hoping for you to live
I sat on the side of the hospital bed happy your pain had been relieved

They said it’s okay to be sad

I sit on the side of your grave praying for a sign
I sit in the rain praying for more time
I sit in the coffee shop reading a book I thought you might like
I sit in an office waiting for a chat

They say that crying helps

I cry out to the heavens why
I cry out if you love me then why did you leave
I cry and sob and break

I sat on the side of your hospital bed, I sit in the rain, I cry out for help

the ghost in the wasteland is buried
and night stars and night love stars
they burn forever in the sky
not even noticing my gloomy scream

funeral ghost
the funeral ghost fits
and time and hours are still the same and go
and also without noticing the horror in my soul

love and death love and death are one thing
and ghosts and ghosts go
play chess with us play and play
in the wasteland are just like that

09.07.18

Dad

Go gently to your resting place
Go knowing that you were loved
Go with the Heavenly Father
Go watch over us from above

I know this is a better place for you
I know your body will be free
From the pain and frustration you had on earth
Where finally you can just be

Be able to walk, run and jump
Be able to speak at will
Be free from all restrictions
Be free from all the pills

God will have a beautiful garden
For you to tend and help thrive
I know this was your strength on Earth
It’s what helped you stay alive

Go gently to your resting place
Go knowing that you were loved
Go with the Heavenly Father
Go watch over us from above

He was the tough guy,
The bad boy, the person
You never, ever crossed.
He was the owner of the old hotrod, the
House you always avoided
Because it was too loud and smelly.
He was the guy who never
Shaved his beard, kept at least
Three motorcycles in his garage, and
Had a different girlfriend every month.
He was the tough guy.
But then his dad took ill,
And suddenly he didn’t care
About his hotrod anymore.
His buddies were forgotten,
His workshop untouched,
As his calloused hands held
His father’s weak and shaky ones.
The graveside service was
A week later, and I remember
Him kneeling over his father’s coffin,
Head bowed in prayer,
Trying to stay calm, but
Tears flew down his cheeks with
An intensity that no one had
Seen before, nor since.
And that’s when I learned that
Tough guys aren’t always tough.

An official looking notice said he had passed away
A service for his tortured soul was being held today,
I plan to get there early, to get a front row seat
I've always loved to people watch -
Who knows who one may meet
Everybodys' whis-pering, they wonder how he died
Though nothing is official -  they're betting suicide

Courtney stands alone in a two piece textured suit,
MJ leans against the wall in high heeled leather boots
A familiar face is walking in - he must have taken leave
Wraps the mother in a hug, her hand upon his sleeve
I've never seen his brothers' in a jacket or a tie
They look so tall and handsome, as usual side by side
Nick and Faith walk in together, she wears a floppy hat
Stands next to Portland hipsters - all buckles, leather straps
Sean engages Stefan, Lisa holds the arm of Vince
He really hasn't aged a day, I haven't seen him since
we double-dated sisters', we bought a birthday card
Tried to get to second base, they smiled and hit us hard.

All heads turn in unison they see you walking in
Lips stained a dark bur-gun-dy, defiance to your chin,
Lowered eyes survey the crowd resigned to this days fate
You wish it hadn't come to this, the switch from love to hate
Your dress is black, above the knee, the bodice spotted lace
A pillbox hat perched on your head, the veil to hide your face
I knew you'd wear your purple heels, they make your legs look long, but underneath the prim facade,
Pink bra and matching thong
I'm enjoying your discomfort as you pause inside the gate
You'd loathe to be too early, and you wouldn't dare be late
You fumble with the clasp of an expensive looking tote
Pull a lighter from its depths- I've never seen you smoke
That pretty auburn haired girl whose name I can't recall
Tells a story of him to muffled laughter and applause
Is that the music starting? We'd better go inside
Someone holds the door for you, you smile, but not to wide

I'm bounding up the staircase - no one appears to see
The view is priceless- truely - front row of balcony
His mother's gently weeping, his father's looking grim
My eyes are one direction on your pale and perfect skin
Mira dabs at her nose, her handkerchief trimmed with lace
Why my wife do tears not run down your exquisite face
Your hand gently fondles a golden chain with hanging heart
But I am focused on your thighs - the ones I used to part
You steal a glance at your watch, you have to be discreet
Think of your waiting lover, parked in a nearby street

I remember that I couldn't sleep, so put on Leonard Cohen
I don't know how he did it - he just had a way of knowin'
Sheets were turning crimson as the blood began to seep
That's all that I remember - I just drifted off to sleep
I dreamed you'd sent hydrangeas, a bright and brilliant blue
Could you not think of something else than what I'd give to you,
Lilies, peonys, tulips, lilac or a rose
I'd buy you blue hydrangeas when you didn't like your nose
Soaring Hallelujah chorus fills my darkened room
From my bed I see the clock, it's time to get up soon
I pad into the kitchen to get my dog a treat
Make a mental note to apologize to my neighbours when we meet,
In the hallway, or the lobby, or the park across the street
" I'm sorry man, the other night, I guess you couldn't sleep "
Turned off my record player that was programmed to repeat

I'd buy you blue hydrangeas - you didn't like your nose
I noticed that you'd changed your hair and you had on new clothes

from the tears,
to the gold.
to the years you hold...
or 'held'.
so easy I forget...
or 'forgot'

Amber, Amber you,
now and forever,
folded into gold.
earthly embrace,
ground must fold...

rest my dear
the years were great.
for now though,
those Amber dreams await...