All continues on,
Life just is,
In my self-made abyss,

Empty space that vibrates,
Fuzzy with feeling dust,
And lack of trust,

The humid warmth from the coals,
Simmering,

In my groin,
In my brain,

Disrupts my sane judgement,
As I succumb with no shame,
To the lustful *****,
Itching to scream your name.

I feel like a drink
to wash down the burning intensity of anger and frustration
Temporary feelings of momentary exasperation

I don't expect for you to truly see
what precisely is going on within me

there she went,
back into her mind
the noiseless depths of anticipation.
her reactions?
controlled.

Your loving whispers are sour nothings in my ear,
Your reassurances raise the bile of rage in my throat,
And then I want to spend my fists on nearby walls,
Every hole is the love letter you deserve.

I really Loved everything about you, the details of this Love can be found everywhere all over me. The way my eyes lit up when I saw you, the way my thoughts instantly changed to become only about you, the way my Heart would beat so loud I swore the people around me could hear it, the way my words would carelessly slip out of my mouth just when you were near me.
I called you My Love, because you were exactly that, My Love. Any anger or frustration I had disappeared instantly when I heard your voice. It was a bull in a china shop, but the bull moved so slowly and carefully because he didn’t want to disturb something he found so precious. It was my piece in my times of madness and a break when the world was crumbling.
Now that your Love is gone, I don’t know what to do. It feels like a distant memory of something I once cherished but was ripped away at a moment's notice with no Love or care given.
But the remnants of this Love still lives in my heart. My heart has always been on my sleeves, but now it feels like it became a hard brick hoping that nobody would watch it cry itself into submission. If you cut up my heart and divide it into sections, unfortunately there is a big part that is still dedicated to you. And no matter what I do, or how I heal this will always be the softest part of my heart. Always being triggered at the slightest of things, sending me into a spiral of emotions I could never hope to recover from…
But I need to recover. Although your Love drove me with such inspiration to take over the world, I must find that again. Maybe not in Love as it is such a volatile force, but within myself. I hope I can become whole again. I know I will become whole again.

And Eyes
drawn again
to the bird
On the clock
Ticking there
On the wall.
And it knows
it can fly
From its perch    
Out of here
From the lockdown.

It links
The outside.  
And points
From its perch
Take a trip
To outside
Out of lockdown.

And eyes
Drawn again
To the bird
On the clock.
To the bird
On the clock
We can fly!

Bird
From the clock
Fly!

I just broke her heart
‘cause she told me she was lying,
and by the night’s end she’ll feel it.
Her mascara-stained tear drops hit the carpet flying-
yet her eyes never trembled, they glistened.

Oh, why did you do me like this?
Did you ignore my pain and not feel it?
Sugar, why did you burn our whole life;
was my love just the prize to your winnings?

She saw me yesterday and asked
for a hand,
I said, “You don’t understand...
I meant that we were through.
Leave your keys up on the stoop.”

Then the love was in her eyes
and it took me by surprise,
and by that night’s end I was living.
My pain had gone away and her heart was full of light;
she whispered me a kiss
and I listened.

Oh why am I so wrapped up like this?
Is it only her heart that shimmers?
I always try to leave, but my soul just can’t resist.
Her love’s the summer breeze to my winter.

Enjoy it while you can
      they say
These next 4 years are going to fly by
      and they did

-Join a club
-Do an internship
-Make friends
-Write a resume, cover letter
-Fall in love
-Apply for jobs
-Do something crazy
-Build your professional portfolio
-Socialize for hours
-Find a grad school
       they say "it's the college experience"

Is it the college experience to feel
Underappreciated and Overworked?
Elated and Devastated?
Accomplished and Incompetent?

It never feels like it's enough
      no, I never feel like I'm enough
I've spent hours staring at a screen
Either in class or at home, it doesn't matter
I scrolled through so many blogposts and jobposts
Applied to countless positions and internships
All for nothing

"What's the best way to do college?"
      is the question I'm constantly asking myself
      and anyone who will listen that might have the answers
"What am I doing wrong?"
      how can so many people have accomplished so much
      before I've even made a name for myself

my 21 credit semester
my double major
my additional minor
my 6 semesters of straight A's
my 2-year executive board position
my part-time minimum wage job
Were they all not enough? What am I doing wrong?
Why can't I find even an unpaid internship?

Despite my exhaustive efforts,
      and I do mean exhaustive, full burn-out
I still see people
people who have done way less, tried way less
with full rides, wonderful internships and jobs right out of college.

None of it is fair.

And I have nothing to show for it.

So has this just been 4 wasted years?

What can I make of myself in the real world,
with nothing to show for my college career?

I hate this temporary psychological condition
It's a knock on effect of what I can't write

I sit and stare at my blank piece of paper
Frustrated, can't sleep, up all night

I feel all inspirations drain from me
Click, click goes the top of my pen (again)

I'm determined to beat you and not let you win
**** you disambiguation.