There are moments I wish I could relive.
Like that instant when I saw you for the first time,
and I knew that was it.
I was never going to meet anyone else
that could make my heart burst
or my breath stop for so long
and not **** me, but make me feel alive.
That was the first time I thought
maybe drowning wasn´t such a bad way to go.

I can't say for sure at what age you
suddenly start to really
take the world in,
but I have these
specific memories of being
an angsty fourteen-year-old
running laps around the reservoir
at swim practice.

I was so young,
but old enough that I really thought
I knew what love was,
and maybe I did,
maybe I knew love in a certain kinda way,
a certain kinda love I'm too old
to understand now.

I ran laps.
I remember noticing my breathing,
the one-two-three huff-huff-huff
rhythmically circulating oxygen as I
went numb from the waist down.
I remember thinking about this
boy that I loved in
some way or another.
I remember noticing the water's
gentle splashing,
the way the high, hot sun reflected off its splishing.
I remember the sound of runners
passing me by,
the sight of those I passed doubled over
from a "cramp" or maybe just
laziness.
I remember the way my coach yelled and yelled,
pushed and pushed.
I remember feeling and thinking so
many
different
thoughts,
noticing so
many
different
things.

I remember the first time that
I just took in so much
I had to go home and write some
love poems,
spilling my guts onto college-ruled paper
in some various-colored
gel pen.

I can't say for sure at what age you
suddenly start to really
take the world in;
I can't say for sure at what age a poet
suddenly becomes a
poet;
but I have these
specific memories of the first time
I took the world in,
and I decided to write
about it.

Threw caution to the wind;
****** my breath in;
A leap of faith taken;
A leap into nothing.

Answers awaiting,
tongue 's hesitating,
memories are fading,
a leap of faith taken.

Rare sorts of amazement.
I stand there, gazing,
this fear starts invading
before a leap of faith taken.

Motions to halt;
Emotions at fault.
Face says it all;
A story in making.

Yet I stand tall,
delusion breaking my fall;
"I'm in love with you, doll !"
Says I'm "mistaken".

See folly at play
but who is to say ?
that she might not stay
when I ask with patience.

A life in decay,
mind drifting astray
eyes shifting away,
heart succumbing to decadence.

When the time comes
I want the lights on.

When the time comes
I want you to look at me.
To see me.

When the time comes
I don't want to cover my curves.
I want you to touch them.

When the time comes
I want the lights on.

The first boy I ever slept with
All we did was sleep
Even though in the middle of the night
Which I suppose was early in the morning
I woke up
Wanting you as close as possible
And I woke you up
Trying to get closer
And you kissed my lips
And you kissed my neck
And your hands touched my bare hip bones
That I pushed out ever so carefully
So you would think that I was skinnier
And you climbed on top of me
And I wanted you there
But my mind kept screaming
No, stop, this isn't a good idea
So I broke the silence
By just saying
Stop.
And I continued to kiss you as tried to understand
What I wanted to stop
It didn't matter
That I said no to an idea that was never written down
Because you rolled over
And wrapped your arms around me
But I carefully moved your hands
To where I wanted them to be
Because I was afraid
Of being just a body to you
And not a pretty one at that