Each day I think it will finally happen.
Expectations lead to disappointments.

People make mistakes.
Miss takes, practice, rough draft.
You learn and you move on.
But how can you move on when it's constantly being advertised to the big city in your mind.
With a body full of scars I know my mistakes better than anyone else.
I move on but I'll never forgive myself.

I was raised with high expectations.
Held at the very top of a glass pedestal and expected to hold onto broken shards when I finally shattered.
Every sharp edge, I made sure it cut me open.
I don't know if the pain was to punish myself or just to feel something for once.
Whatever the reason, I dug deep and let what was left of myself pour out.
Maybe this time I'll dig deep enough not to come back.
Maybe I'll let go of the shards and crumble under the rubble.
There's no saving a girl from monsters when they're all locked in her head.
They dig from the inside out,
And she shattered herself.

It’s as if the room is in shock
Filled with minds that spoke
and pipe dream feelings
I’d rather be in the dark than expecting and needing
I’ll say I love you today
And I’ll miss you tomorrow
But bring your words back to your lips,
chew, and swallow.

With all the exhuberance of a child on Christmas
The smallest gift was received
Ten words on a page
Joy beyond measure deluged a happy heart
Pieces of a soul....more precious than gold

And in return
With all the exhuberance of a child on Christmas
The smallest gift was given
More excited at the giving
At the anticipation of joy

Waived off upon receipt
Forgotten on a page
Unread pieces of love
Bore holes in a happy heart
Chagrin unassuaged by reluctant glances spurred by pain

Longing for all the exhuberance of a child on Christmas

For our love is a tragedy.
Left me clinging unto memories
Drenched in the ideality
Of my self proclaimed idiocy

For I've only followed what I've believe was true
Set me wandering across the blue
Hard for me to believe what we shared was a lie
Made me never wanna believe again.
For those days we've thought was well spent
Didn't made much bearing in the end

We could have baked the best brownies in town,
ones' filled with warm gooey love,
or cooked the best cake around,
so that people would think it came from above.
We planned on making a flavourful omelette,
which would satisfy us for years,
with colored foods of green, red or even violet,
anything except our tears.
Our plans built up like they often do,
holding us down like a chain on our legs,
eventually our plans fell through,
I guess we waiting to long and became bad eggs.

I grew up watching romance anime,
I loved them even though most were cliché,
Shy girl meets popular guy,
Two people love each other but they're too shy,
I remember waiting all week to see if she gives him her homemade chocolates on Valentines Day,
Squeling when they finally say,
I love you
Then they kiss under the fireworks later,
They barely show anything beyond that but I assume it's happily ever after

Every single time, they have their first encounter under the cherry blossom tree,
I remember thinking hey, why can't that happen to me?
But there are no cherry blossoms here you see,
The boy you fall in love with at the first day of school,
Will not be yours by the last episode,
That the guy you always see at your bus stop,
Will not always save you a seat,
That when he holds out his hand,
No, it is not always your hands, he is reaching for
That the sparks you feel when your lips touch,
Are not always fireworks
But maybe just electricity; waiting to shock you

I've learned that "I love you" doesn't always mean "Happy Ending"
I realized that "I love you"
Doesnt always mean "take everything i have"
I found out that "I love you"
Doesnt always mean "I love you"
That "Forever"
Is about as real as you meeting the one under a ******* cherry blossom tree

Yes, his eyes may sparkle,
Yes, they don't see him the way you do
Yes, the words I love you
Feel like the sweater you finally bought after eyeing it for months,
Yes, this moment may feel so surreal,
That you can hear the background music and see the sparkles everywhere,
But you see,
this is not an anime or a movie,
This love is'nt gonna end up the way you planned it to,
Yes, you may be the author
But this, is not just your story.

-p.a.r