"I'm just tired..."
Excuse one for the silence that ensues.
She listens as he tells her he refuses to hurt her
...even though she aches as the words leave his lips.
Triple chocolate chocolate chip frosting is all she wants.

"I didn't sleep well..."
Excuse two for the agitated responses.
Her best friend has distanced herself
...but expects her to just sit by and wait to be wanted again.
Triple chocolate chocolate chip frosting gags her.

"It was a rough night..."
Excuse three for the silent tears that stream down her face.
Her father tells her she's a spoiled, stupid *****
...but acts like he's a genius that's greater than God.
Food loses its appeal entirely.

"I don't need a mirror to see myself..."
Excuse four for her avoidance of reflective surfaces.
Her mirror has become her worst enemy
...reflecting her flaws and screaming her issues.
She no longer has an appetite.

"I'm fine"
Excuse five... and six for all the things she does in a day.
She's breaking, crying, and dying
...but its been repeated so many times her friends have begun to believe it.
Food now makes her want to throw up.

"Excuses, Excuses"*
seven, eight, nine, ten for all the things she needs to deny
her mask of a smile makes everyone believe them all
...no one realizing how unhappy she is
she eats...but only because she doesn't want them to worry.

It’s easy to blame
the parent that was never there.
It’s easy to remember
waiting at the gas station
with a full back pack for a dad who never came.
It’s easy to see
how a girl seeks a love
where she has to prove her worth
because it was never validated
by the one man who should of.

But it is even harder to forgive herself
for being angry
with the mother who was there,
on a single income,
taking the time to raise
the child that he didn’t.

Even though when it came to her love,
she picked the men
who didn’t even want her daughter
because she was a reminder of the past
without them.

It’s hard to accept that mom
was also that same starved girl
looking for a love that was unconditional,
only to find herself in a room full of conditions,
the ones that said “it is either me or her. ”
Only if she realized
that unconditional love
was staring at her calling her mom.

What is hardest is  
she always chose them.

Sitting at the gas station,
twenty years later,
staring at my packed bag,
I wonder why we keep being told
“they are still human.”
But weren’t they still parents?

When will I begin?  
I always make excuses.
Today is not the day
Tomorrow, perhaps I'll do it.
Tomorrow came a went
and tomorrow yet again.
Excuses find there way
But it's time for them to end.

I can't be ALL bad
SOME part of me is good
if not, the most part.

Thing is, you DON'T know me
if you did, you would see
how precious i am.

The problem is not with me
but with you, all the time
i am RIGHT.

STOP judging me for what you don't know
all you have to do is understand me
i am never wrong.

How i wish you would just to know the real me.

Dangerous.
Mistakes happen, lives continue
shifting the blame
deny to me
acceptable
deny to you
Dangerous.

Here I am
Again
Mumbling excuses
For my misuses
Of any likeness
to rhyme

Replace yelling with laughter
And judgment with understanding
Replace hatred with kindness
And falling with standing

Replace hurting with helping
Lift up, don't push down
Replace insults with compliments
We can turn this around.

Replace bad with good
Replace fire with water
The world's hard enough
So why make it harder?

And before you say
You would if you could,
That there's just no hope..
No excuses; be the good.