everything used to be so fine
amazing, memorable, and lovely
when everything mattered
when i mattered, only me, to you

through those times we were laughing
i was there, fixing problems with you
the universe turned upside down
i found you craving for something
something or someone?

how could that be troubled by the past
why am i not enough
why not me
when i was always around every day

I do not need you,
I think I just need to not
need you anymore

11:02 AM
24/10/20

starbucks
venti iced white chocolate mocha
soy no whip
light ice
why do you work there?
.4 miles away from MY job.
you don't deserve that.
this isn't fair.
i felt so terrible
when i heard you were close to me
something i couldn't help anymore
something i could no longer avoid
it's not fair
that you don't feel this way
that you don't know the dread i feel now
when i get starbucks
when i pass by
when i see the logo
why does your starbucks make the best coffee?
why is it YOUR starbucks in my head?
its MY starbucks
its MY territory
you don't deserve to be in my space

what if i go into target
what if i go into the mall
what if i go anywhere
and you decided to go there too
the possibilities of interacting with you
make me sick to my stomach
i haven't spoken to you since that day.

february 7th 2016

coming up on three years
coming up on three years with someone who loves me
june 24th 2016

the day that started to fix
everything you've done to me
you aren't half the man he is
you're just a boy
a coward
a ******

he is wonderful
amazing
understanding
caring
forgiving
and
encouraging.­

sometimes what you were to me
what you did to me
clouds my relationship with him
so *******
*******
you don't exist to me anymore

if i see you
you don't exist
who are you?
nothing to me

I am on to bigger
and better
people
and she will stay in
    her
      little
       world,
             forever.
       and one day it will burn.
and I won't care

He preens my feathers,
fans my flames-
he lets me grow, he lets me destroy him.
I am happy.
.
but you still flip off my street when you pass it.

'''Remember the kiss on summer??
It's smell still lingers on my lips
**** who has such addictive lips
Remember the baggy shirt you wore on winter
Still smells you
But the heart you had all along
All gone long ago😂😂'''

I don't hate you,
I hate what you did.
I hate the person you turned into
because I know that's not you.
I can forgive the person-
always the person,
but the actions
I can't forget.