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Eliza Jun 9
Words,
Seemingly so positive,
Yet so harmful.

“You’re so small!”
They say,
Like handing me a medal.

Words that will bounce around in my brain,
Words that will shape my mind forever,
Words that I will never let go of.

I have to keep this medal.
Maria May 31
"It's not that bad,
I tastes good, I swear"
It was cold, and bitter, and vile
Yet I still ordered it
Every
Single
Time
Like a magical elixr
Of momentary freedom
From the wires of guilt
Welded into my neural pathways
Just enough-
To not cause suspicion
But not so much
That I'd collapse
Strong enough
To make me jittery,
Anxious, nauseated,
But still incomparable
To the unspeakable sin
Of sustenance,
So when I saw stars standing up,
Or buckled over at the knees,
And wondered why
It was even worth it?
I'd come to the same conclusion
Every
Single
Time
And it was this:
It doesn't matter anyways
Because I'll never
Be able
To stop.
Haven't had an iced americano in three months, if that means something to someone ;) Moral of the story: life's too short to not drink oatmilk lattes.
marie May 10
I miss the time when I actually enjoyed eating that burger you offered me last night.
I miss when eating a pack of Cheetos wasnt one of my biggest fears in the entire world.
I miss the times i was eating a healthy amount of food by the time i needed it.
I miss the times my mind wasnt a calculator every single second of each day.
I miss the time I could sleep at night without my stomach hurting, asking for at least a glass of water.
I dont want to have a mental breakdown whenever i eat a chocolate.
I wanna remember the taste of pizza again.
I want to eat a whole donut by myself.
I dont want my happiness to depend on the number of a scale.
I wanna eat dinner again, something except a salad.
I dont want to workout everyday.
I want to finally feel happy without my stomach screaming.
I want to stop.
I want to eat.
i dont know if this is called an eating disorter, i just know that i cant do this anymore. its so hard fighting my own mind everyday.
#ed
theres a pack rat in my stomach
grabbing reason to starve myself

counting calories and carbs
till I think I might pass out

though logic is no burden
that mouse if knows my routes

knows the miles, knows the steps
that I’ll take for a piece of chocolate

and every night I try to cough it out
to purge it from rotting gut

they say this rat is life threatening
and that I can finally see

because one day I’ll feel it
tearing through this wasting body

there’s a pack rat in my stomach
grabbing reasons to starve myself
Jaicob Apr 13
110
The cursed number
110
In bone and blubber
110
The taste inescapable
110
My thoughts are nonsensical
110
Shrink it further
110
To be skinny I'd ******
110
The burden of weight
110
All myself I hate.
skinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinny
mariü Apr 8
I didn't eat for three days
and I was at my lowest.

Waking up hurt,
I couldn't walk without feeling like fainting
and my mind wasn't able to read .

But my weight was also at my lowest
and I saw beauty in those numbers.
No energy was left in me
but I was pretty
mariü Apr 7
Me ves comer y se te ilumia la cara,
y preguntas cuánto llevo sin vomitar
y no sé que decirte porque no quiero fallar,
aunque lo haré o a ti, o a todos, o a mi.

No, mi cuerpo ya no se marea al levantarse,
mi muñeca ya no puede ser rodeada por mi mano
y las heridas de mis dedos,
causadas por los ácidos de mi estómago,
han desaparecido.

Pero de qué sirve cuando cada bocado es insoportable,
cuando tú cabeza no tiene espacio para nada que no sean calorias.
De qué sirve cuando te encuentras en el baño,
arrodillada, lo más lejos del vater para no ceder,
o delante del espejo encima de la báscula llorando porque
la recuperación física no es la mental
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