My grandma is smiling.
My uncle is recounting a story.
My sister is telling a dumb joke.

We laugh.

My aunt is bragging about her children from a previous marriage.
My uncle is making fun of his mentally ill brother.
My mother is sticking up for him.

We eat.

My aunt is asking about my future.
My cousin is talking about herself.
My uncle is complaining about his job.

We pretend to care.

My cousin is trying to hide his drunkenness.
My aunt is talking about Jesus.
My uncle is warning us of the government's plans.

We change the subject.

My sister is attempting to join the conversation.
My aunt is ignoring her.
My mother is getting angry.

We stop pretending.

My uncle is calling my mother a *****.
My aunt is reprimanding my uncle for swearing.
My mother is throwing her plate.

I watch.

My sister is crying.
My cousin is laughing.
My mother is leaving.

I help clean up.

My grandma is smiling.

Blood
Sticky
Warm
Leaking

Amaline
smells of
***** and rot.
Ill-fitting clothes stained
from weeks,
or months,
or years
of neglect.

In weeks
or months
or years,
Gangrene claimed four of her pickle green toes.
Eight ragged teeth hang lazily from
Abscessed gums
Leaking sticky pus;
Her putrid breath heavy with bacteria and decay.

Last week or month
an old rooster
pecked
her eye.
As she slept.
A choice morsel for
the rat waiting in the dark.

It rained that day
Or the next.

No one noticed that morning or night
a week or a month or a year ago,
when she dragged the broken bottle
across her wrists.

Her family stopped caring long ago
And so did she.

I used to grip your hair in my hands
you choked me sometimes
it wasn't all in lust
I scratched your back so hard
I left marks
and I'm sure there was dead skin underneath my finger nails
You didn't like to kiss when you expressed love physically
I didn't mind because kissing preoccupied me
We met on the same wave length of dysfunction
and our vibrations created a dimension in which we could disappear in
You would stare so deep into my eyes
that you would see past them
Sometimes we cried
but we never stopped
you were so gentle

But you hurt me and I don't mean when we did things sexually
I mean intellectually
out of all of our destruction in the act of reproduction
I only ever felt hurt through your words

What I would do to lose myself to you again

Beauty Queen
Miss Q
Thinking of you
;-)
:-)
...
?

Post-apocalyptic characters flash white
against a twilight screen
Tiny, shiny meanings begging for responses
But I won't feed
these visions of nothingness

Since when did I become
bound to this ubiquitous pretense,
since when did I become
cast into these tiny webs roping me inextricably closer
to the "you" I just met yesterday and
since when did we become
like spineless eels
caught dumbfounded
in these fishing lines
of textonomy?

This ain't swag
and if it is,
then your swag
makes me want to regurgitate
la salsa verde y los tamales de pollo
all over your smooth and crisp
white shoes

Can't someone untie me from these social knots?
I want to go back to ink-blots,
conscriptions, Polaroid photographs,
X's and
abandoned
I's

We can build a house of cards, but with a misplaced whisper it comes tumbling down.

Shots fired I fell
I stand to make my case
But now it's become a race
For who can start the hell

I have no resentment
But it gets angry fast
How long can patience last?
I swore you weren't blatant

My heart is aching
My head is ringing
What are we doing
I'm tired of yelling

Pause.

Am I wrong for feeling wronged
I never heard a sorry
I'm beginning to agree
Maybe he was right all along

I make mistakes I know it
My anger gets the best of me
I try to say I'm sorry
But you won't let me show it

How could I forget
To my nature I am bound
When you're unwilling to forgive
I'm filling with regret

There is no relief
You won't let me say sorry
You sigh slowly
And say whatever with disbelief

We can stack the dominos, but with one wrong move it's all scattered.

You are the apple of my eye,
but this fruit's rotten to the core.
You're suffocating me in your grip,
but baby your hands are so warm.

You're a corrupt tyrant king,
and ***** tortured prisoner;
Make me your silent queen, broken cell mate,
and crying court jester.

You stroke my hair, but your hands
are on my shoulder.
You bring me to new heights but,
when I soar you grow colder.

You're sweeter than our honeymoon
phase on Valentine's Day baby.
But the dentist said your **** gives
me one year cavities.

You have no doubts, "our
dream's pristine and love is true".
Then how come my heart,
my soul, is black and blue?

I am more alone when you hold my
hand and say, "I'm here".
But I feel so sick with fear at the
thought of you not near.

It's crazy.
You're crazy.
I'm crazy.
Crazy (in pain)
Crazy (in love)
How could I go?
Why can't I leave?

i am terrified of the voice
of my father because it
sounds of unknown irony -  how
the one who is called to
love is able to spin fear and
anxious hands and nervous thoughts
through words screamed
so loud the blood vessels in my
eyes break instead
of his.