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SydneyAnn Apr 2015
Even if no one ever reads these words
I'll read them to the insects or I'll read them to the birds
I am broken and I am
Put together all
In the same sentence
I am crying of laughter and sadness all in the same sentence
Even if I never spoke to you again
I would speak to you in a million more lifetimes or a million times 10
I do miss you I'll admit but I don't miss you at all and that's contradicting
I haven't called you for a week but I can't wait to hear from you and that's contradicting
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
It went from playing it cool
To getting played like a fool
No broken rules
But the rule was to not forget
And to not fall out of it
Or wake up from it
I deemed it permanent
But you weren't meant for it
Your choice not mine
Your choice I'm keeping my time
I tripped on this and then I looked in the mirror took a Xanax
And I don't trip on the little **** anymore
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
This man who disregards your feelings naturally,
This man took your heart out of your heart and threw it on the ground and has been beating it for a while now.
That's the man you're in love with?
That's the gentle, calming, hands are made for healing man?
Life gets confusing and I don't mean the directions I mean the emotions, I'm not the one to ask for help but if I did you're who I would ask,  he opened phone calls back and fourth till the calls ended.
That's everyday, that ***** often.
Feelings getting shut out. Often.
Manifesting ur words to talk to me. Often.
Sleeping alone. Often.
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
Messy hair growing out
She shaved the side of her hair because she was bored
He was wearing her black bucket hat that she never wore
She wore baggy shirts
Black coffee with sugar
He refused coffee, orange juice because he was specific
She waited everyday for him to get home
He always got home
Milk and cereal
She asked him if they should have kids one day because she wondered
He took a bite of apple jacks
She realized the irony of having that conversation over fruit loops or apple jacks or whatever
He picked her up from work at 10 pm, he didn't mind
She didn't say much tonight
He didn't either
Tomorrow is Friday, February 14th
She wasn't the type you bought flowers for, she knew that
So he didn't
She still wanted flowers
He never got her flowers
Valentines day
He cut a pizza into a heart shape, he was simple
She didn't even get a phone call on the next valentines day
He still loved her though
She couldn't do a lot, but she could take a hint
He did love her despite his actions
She understood
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
Loving you means
Hating me
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
I want you to feel my skin
Then touch my skin
Then claim my skin
Then cut open my skin
Rip out my insides from within
I want you to make love to me
Then to destroy me,
Like you did,
I want you to make art out of me,
Using my emotions as your paint brush,
My blood and guts can be the paint,
And use my body as the canvas.
We will call it art.
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
I met him right before winter
And then he hit me just like,
a winter storm.
Almost instantly I didn't know what to do,
but love him with my whole being.
He called me his sunflower,
but there were no sunflowers where we were,
just dead flowers.
He kept me,
I tried to be as close as to him as our human bodies would allow us,
to be.
But even with him inside of me,
I needed him closer.
He dug into my soul with a shovel,
he took out everything he needed,
I told him to keep it.
I didn't need a soul,
he is my soul.
I learned that,
I did not love him,
He is my love.
And wasn't that the most special kind of love anyway?
People **** for the love that burns inside of him and,
How did I get so lucky,
to love, a love, some wait their whole life for,
I found him at 17,
he turned 18 with me,
I turned 19 with him,
we will watch the numbers of our bodies turn with the world,
while our ageless souls,
soar in different dimensions in sync, and out of sync.
We loved until winter was long gone,
and the sun shone on all the flowers including,
I didn't need him to keep me alive anymore,
just to be alive with me.
Just to live a life with me.
All four seasons,
we learned to love,
for no reason,
at all.
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