Six days of drinking,
partial insanity,
I drink ketamine,
and I slip from reality.

My eyes feel like they have sand in them,
my ears, mouth, nose, too.
oh ****...
they do.

Why am I paralysed?
Why can't I move?
I've been rolled up in plastic...
what the **** did I do?

On a beach in Cambodia,
thrown under a stage,
after I fell in a K-hole,
and emerged the next day.

The pain is too much,
I pass out willingly.
Wake up and I'm drowning...
Water is killing me.

I cling to the ladder,
my strength starts to wane.
I try to scream help me,
Then blackout again.

I wake up in a rowboat,
cooked by the sun.
Skin crimson and blistered,
oh, what have I done?

My ankle is broken,
no wallet no phone,
I beg for a ride,
please just take me home.

The kind stranger helps me,
drops me at my hotel.
I swallow five ******
and escape from this hell.

The deep-set abhorrence
Of standing alone—
Where is it from?
I stand on dead grass
Staring dead eyes in the face in the glass reflecting off my screen.
I look mean, dead angry eyes and my brows too dark—
I look mean;
mean and alone.
On dead grass in dumb boots
Waiting for too many factors
To change
Before telling myself
To move on.

Untying my shoes
Is a ritual
Where I bake my cement
And stick my hand in it
Maybe someday
A detective will come
To investigate my death
And find my fingerprints
Trace my blood back
To the bedroom where I sit
Listening to indie music
From my own lungs
Twisted in the sheets
Hanging from the ceiling
Like an athletic
****** angel
And mayhap
If I'm lucky
My body will end up
In some museum
Where lavendar doesn't
Know how to burn
I can read me to sleep
And I'll have witches
In my dreams
They can cast hexes on me
So pedestriannly
I will swing
Like a demon
From your sewing machine
I'll sing at the screening
Like a rogue banshee
When they lay me down
For my eternal sleep
I'll put my fingers up
Just the two
In a farewell salute
Before I'm nailed in
To meet all my new friends
They might eat my eyes
But they're still better than you

Breath in and out
Just a little sore
Neck, back, knees
Thighs, arms, shoulders
Some on purpose
Others from age
I wasn't like this before
But I have gotten better from a year ago.
You struggle
You survive
Breathing air
Until your heart works itself to death
And you die as well

Over the decades,
We've worked it out.
No need for a Power of anyone.
If I go blind,
You'll be my sight.
And so on.
I will supply
What you lack;
And you promised,
Should I *****,
To leave me on my back.

Maybe I'm tired.
What if I told you I couldn't remember the last time I've gotten more than seven hourse of sleep?
Would you believe me?
I could be lying to you.
I could be lying about staying up, starring at my ceiling with bloodshot eyes, thinking about what a girl, with purple hair and a heart, that once used to be so cold, told me words that i never wanted to hear.
Even if it might have only been in a dream
Evenifitdidntmakemefeelanything
Imtootired
Tofeelanything
M­aybe you'd believe me if I described it with intricate detail?
How
The air was cold and the blanket I slept with didnt quite cover my shoulders or my feet
How the coldness touching my skin
Just matched the temperature
Inside my chest
and how
The side of my bed dipped from
Broken metal springs
Just like my bones
That felt close to dust
Because of the exhaustion
Dripping
Off of my being
How
the red numbers on my alarm clock were six minutes too far
From the present
and
How the metal rings on my right hand
Cut into
My skin
But not enough to break the surface
How the hours passed
And i did not blink
I could not look
Away
From the glowing stars I so oh
Deperately wanted to return to
To recycle myself into this earth
And maybe have a slight chance
Of giving back
Some
Of all that I have taken from it
If
It meant
I wouldnt be so tired
But I could be lying.
I could be.
What if I am?
If I told you I was, would you believe me?
Maybe not
Because only someone who has felt like that can put it into pretty words? So I musnt be lying?

It's time to go
I see the light
It's bright as snow
It's so white.

With memories flashing back to me
As vivid as a lucid dream
The colors drunk and bold.
I see
It's time for me to go
Darling.

There was a time I was vivid.
When I repainted the colors of the rainbow.
But sadly,
Now is my time to go
But just so you know,
I will miss you so.

i just don't think there is any metaphor,
i don't think i can censor or hide this

i don't want to die,
i just wish i never existed in the first place.