The weighted press of measured steps on stair
accompanied by an echoed call to the familiar.
The first syllable of her name severed  midway,
yet it tolled long after the utterance rang out.
The comfort of routine;
tethers of association
snapped under the strain of realisation.
A mocking gift from forgetfulness...

...she left him..

Mechanical body shifts
fighting urges to hesitate and listen to her vanished sleeping breath.
Vacant the cold bedroom,
the chamber harbouring her scent on fabrics, pillow and scantly furnished dresser top.
Each sniff raw as salt on opened wounds.
She left
and left him
only remorseful residues
from the harvest
of three years and five months.

I fumble around in this caliginous den
There's a light up there
If I just climb up this wall
I'll be free
My finger nails are bleeding
I leave scratch marks on the walls
My whole body is aching
As I'm trying my best
To get out of this hole
I'm getting closer
I can feel the air getting thinner
It's easier to breathe
I'm reaching for the edge
Almost there
Suddenly
The two of you appear
You're smiling
She's smiling
I feel the sole of your shoe
As you're kicking me in the face
And I fall
Down
Instantly
I hit the ground
The light burns out
The darkness surrounds me
I am trapped
In this den
And I can't find the strength to climb up these walls again

She came in late
There was no hello
I wasn't asleep
But she wasn't to know
My head on the pillow
Eyes closed shut
She'd been out drinking
And was now half cut.
She left her phone upon the bed
She went to the bathroom
Her texts I read..
Intimate messages from another man
Consumed by her..... not in my plan!
Yearning for kisses meant for me.
It takes two to Tango... Not three!

"Thanks for the kiss" her last text read.
The nail in the coffin.
Was our relationship dead?
Shock.
Confusion.
Anger.
Denial.
How long had this been going on?
The Toilet flushed
The bathroom door creaked open.
She tip toes across the hall.
Into the bedroom.
"I love you" she whispered in my ear.
The penny dropped!
How considerate.
I was well and truly taken for an idiot!

"I've never been this in love before"
You say that every time
"This is the most painful heartache I've ever felt"
You say that every time
Maybe you're exaggerating
Maybe you've gone through worse
But that doesn't help you now
because now you're in the middle of it
it's not a sad memory
it's not a faded scar
it's your today, your present, your now
and your now is more painful than all your yesterdays combined

I don't think I'll able to make it..
I can no longer see the way..
The eventual storm is coming..
Dark sinister clouds opaquing the day..

You don't understand..
I just want to be free
of your ever changing actions,
your chaos in my reality.

I willingly give up my time,
to harvest our shared memories.
But you treat my passion as a crime,
my heart raided, just empty treasuries.

As our entwined lives break apart
burning into pretty embers,
falling into the darkness..
I just want you to remember..

Our twisted tree has empty branches,
what love remains, a lonely leaf.
Your fire turned me to ashes,
the void you left me, my new belief.

Invisible as my reality might sound,
the empty promises are just drowned,
noisy jealousy and anger all around,
in my heart, a piercing, devastating wound.

I have just forsaken my fainting joy,
inside all these pointless word transactions.
I can't see past your weak reactions
reflected through my love towards you.

I don't want to destroy life
but when everything I see is a lie,
Asking the clouded sky with a tired sigh:
where can my trust come from?

When my blood can be seen spilled on the ground,
the only thing I need is enough time to grieve.
After countless betrayals, I feel my hope is bound
and I want to pretend that I can still believe..
in me..

I just have to make it..
Will I be able to turn this around?
I feel like it's almost over now,
but also that there is still a long way to go.

And there she was
Standing in the sun

And there she was
With blue eyes

And there she was
Looking at her friends

And here I am again
Standing here in awe

And here I am again
Thinking,
I love her.

Real
you may think this is not true
but it is and if you disbelieve
well now start to think again
it started like this:
I was walking downtown and was bored
I entered a bar and yelled to the bartender
"Get me a sheerly temple"
It wasn't alcohol but I liked them
I got my drink and sat down on a
circle bench and when I did a man about
6'2" blonde beach hair and a smile on his face
"Hi.I saw you walk in.Can't shoot whiskey?"He asked.
"I can I wanted something more normal.."I reply back.How did he have the rights to ask me that.How rude!
"I'm sorry your expression looks disturbed."He says.
"Sorry Mister I just don't know how you have rights to ask me if I can shoot whiskey.That Beach hair is somewhat personal,what if I couldn't cause if I did i'd die?"I say.He stares at my hair."Hot pink and green?Beautiful combination."He says."Okay thank you?"I say."No i'm being truthful."He says."Okay well maybe I like you."I say."Well I like you."He says."My name's Tiffany,call me Tiff."I say."Jacob,call me Jake."He says.
We talk for hours then he kisses me.
    Then he decides I'm dumping this girl
And that's how I got dumped for the first time.

Awakened by a zipper
As you packed that old black bag
I sit and stare in silence
You close your eyes in shame
As you turn to walk away
And said, "I never meant to hurt you"

But you said you'd never leave me
Yet, you're walking out the door
You said you'll always love me
But you don't need me anymore
So when you see my broken heart
Don't pay me any mind
It's only what your lies left behind

I asked what I could do
To make you wanna stay
You stop and slowly shake your head
You said it's nothing that I've done
You almost put your arms around me
As you walk on out the door
"I never meant to lie to you"

But you said you'd never leave me
Yet, you're walking out the door
You said you'll always love me
But you don't need me anymore
So when you see my broken heart
Don't pay me any mind
It's only what your lies left behind

If it was all untrue
That means that I was never beautiful
My eyes don't hold the stars
My heart is full of icicles
And my lips are poison wine
That's what your lies left behind

But you said you'd never leave me
Yet, you're walking out the door
You said you'll always love me
But you don't need me anymore
So when you see my broken heart
Don't pay me any mind
It's only what your lies left behind