Baby girl,

When you are born in this world no one tells you that one day you will become sad, depressed, psychotic, or ****** up. They don't tell you that every night before you close your eyes that your life will flash before you and undoubtedly, you will cry. You will cry because it isn't fair that a fire burns inside of you that seems to scorch everyone else. They'll swear you have a heart of ice but it's only because they made you so ******* frigid that your heart will never beat normally again. When you are born, you are pure and untouched. Perfect, beautiful baby they say as they probe your skin with their filthy fingers and ****** themselves inside of your purity. I wish they told me how many times I'd ******* slice my skin just to feel that hot love pour out of useless body. All the while my peers laughed and played out their sick fantasies of torturing my mind. Holding me hostage to the prison of my own head. Nobody will ever tell you, baby girl, that your innocence will be stolen by men who never even deserved it in the first place. They will stalk you in your own mind till one day, you know nothing but him and the way his fists look imprinted in your tired skin. As you age, everyone you love will slowly fade and the hope you had in humanity will be lost. You won't cry this time because the emotion stored inside you will have already left for vacation and soon your mind will join. Listen. The last live bits of your anatomy will slowly wither like the last of the autumn-browned leaves. When you become the fragile bird everyone has always told you you were. You will believe them. You will finally give in to the devil on your shoulder who seems more like friend then foe. He has always been there since the beginning, the only one who ever was. My god, it will ******* hurt but now that you've seen it, baby girl-

Rebuild

-I've been there

you are my cup of tea
in a world full of coffee stains

It's been a couple months now
But I haven't moved on
My heart still plays that old love song
I stay up late trying to sort it all out
I feel like I'm in summertime drought
Dumb and In love
I was as free as a dove
Now I put that dove in a cage
And hope
You will open it
Like a story book page

We all exist in this world
Wouldn't it be nice to spend our time
With more memories,
More love,
More life,
Wouldn't it be nice to just live a little more?

Who do you call when you are having the having the most miserable day?
Who do you call when you just have something to say?
Who do you call when you're doing just okay?
Who do you call just to complain?
Who do you call when you think you're going insane?

Who always answers?

"I'm trying to find the perfect one," he says.

Well, I hate to break it to you, buddy, but you're blind.
You lost your sense of sight a long time ago.
You lost the ability to see the beautiful things of the world.
The true things.
The honest things.

The things that love your stupid jokes and the way you laugh at yourself for telling them.

The things that offer for you to lick the brownie batter even though it's her favorite.

The things that will watch those horribly childish shows you recommend because she knows it will make you happy.

Those things that listen to your complaints about being tired, even though she is exhausted herself, and helps you find a restaurant to get some dinner when you could easily ask Siri.

The thing that, unlike most genies, would let you wish for more wishes.

The thing that you're too blind to appreciate.

Who will you call now?

I was supposed to write this out like a journal entry but it ended up being more like a poem

I feel stupid for loving someone who doesn’t give a **** about me
And I’ve spent four, almost five years loving him even when I couldn’t love myself
And for that, I feel dumb
I feel dumb for waiting on something that will never come
And I feel especially dumb for those times I believed all those sweet nothings you murmured in my ear
Dumb for my heart soaring at the text messages you would send m
Dumb for thinking the impossible
The inevitable
Dumb for believing you were the one
Sad because I still love you
And that will never change
But one day I will move on
And somehow I’ll forget your name
And it might hurt too much to even go back through time in my brain
And think about how close we once used to be
And all the things we said
Because those things no longer matter
When you can’t say to me anymore
It’s as if those words fade
And they no longer mean anything to you or me
But I’m stuck here loving you
Stuck here in alternating universe where you love me too

I can't remember the last time I looked into the mirror,
And didn't see the vague shell that I am today.
Because today, my body bleeds passion for the uninspired
My skin, shrink wrapped over hollow tree branches
That extend to the beachy shallows of my body
That not even I can see anymore
I am a withering tree who's leaves cannot grow
And roots are dry
I am the stiff wind in January that will burn your cheeks,
I am the only thing that keeps two people apart.
Yet, I will shout from corridors and mountain peaks alike,
I am fine