I’m trying to write
Something
Something
That’s not about :
- me
- me
- me; or
- dread

I’m failing
Miserably

Spent the whole night in my head
Did a little cleaning
Perhaps I should dream instead
and stop trying to figuring out living
but my eyes get lighter with dread
If I ever sleep, please be eternal rest

2:00am
***** sheets
A locked up jaw
And dread-dried-joy

Fear is a headline
a casting shadow
a waiting room
a cancer
a culture
a color

It is suddenly knowing
or never knowing at all

Fear is the hanging silence
the falling voice

It is a darkroom
where negatives
are developed

Fear is something
about your eyes:
wink?
blink?
pink!

It is always having to say
you're sorry

Fear is what comes
after a sentence
and before a final meal

It is opening the mail
It is waving goodbye

there is an ache that shutters down my spine and keeps my chest heavy. there are non-existent stones in my coat pocket. i know they are not real. yet they feel more real than anything i have ever held in my life. sometimes i file through my stones in my coat pocket. in search of an answer of why my body is so heavy with dread. i never really find an answer. maybe i'll find the answers in the bottom of the city lake. it is unknown if others ever found their answers. but maybe, they found their peace. and that is an eluding enough risk. i'll take a short walk with my stones shoved deep into my pockets. i might even swallow a few.

A distant voice speaks out
tells me to wake up
it echoes through my head
condescending
a moment of dread

chasing aspirations
a minute passes
my failures catch me
time to gather the masses

hunt me down
pick me back up
show me where I was
show me how things end up

what could this be?
a forgotten fever dream
a simple symphony
a glitch in time
it's all a memory

Here it comes, another downward spiral into existential dread and the meager meaning of life. I don't know what emotions feel like anymore. Strip myself down to the core and blast that into ******* oblivion. You wouldn't even know. Look deeper. Look deeper. Look deeper. There's nothing there! ******* and your conniving business partners! Instilling false hope in the minds of people who really just need to be chucked out on their *****, into the dead of night, onto the cold hard ground of true reality. And all the while you're expecting payment.