Loving and fighting
Wordlessly and real
Inaudible and echoing
Accusing, denying
I wonder what has become of my mind

Helplessly crying
Forever denying
Won't let them in
They won't know
The deadly truth
That will get me sent
Far, far away
To a land unknown
Destroying my home

I deserve to be alright
I deserve to sleep at night
Suffocated by regrets
Past mistakes

One day
I fear
I could lose all I hold dear
All so near
To my heart
To my very soul

I can't imagine a world
With them all gone
Lying on the floor
Would they hear me screaming;
"Please don't leave me!"?

Take my hand
Help me
Make it alright

Pacing back and forth
As threats fly
Slipping for a second
Then I hit the ground
Play dead?
I've been dead

The aching in my soul
Driving me to suffer the extremes
Of the what the human mind can do
All to itself

Hold on
That's all I'm trying to do now
Not stay strong
Just stay

I swear
I still love you
Even if I'm doing these things
They're to myself
Punishment for my wrongs
Yet they are seen worse

Hold me
That's all I want
One person
Whomever they may be
Hold me
Tell me it'll be alright
Maybe not now
But someday

Give me someday

Help me
Give me a tomorrow
But don't take me away
Don't strip me of everything

Don't take all I have left

- Jay M
May 8th, 2019

Alright, perhaps I'm listless

Drained, by my past now gone

So, please don't get ahead of yourself  

You won't find what you're hoping for

But I do hope you're not disappointed

I can only be who I am, to who I try to be



But if you so choose to go on with me

I hope you remember what was said from the beginning



Don't tell me that you love me
Because I won't love back
Don't tell me that you need me
Because I don't need that
Don't tell me that you want me
Because I'm on my own



So,  

When it all start to whittle

Remember every bit of what was said, every bit of it  


Yes, maybe I want to be by myself

Not wanting anyone else

But I'm not



For I truly hope you're not disappointed

I could only be who I am, to who I try to be

But if you so dare, to go on

Don't you use those words, those gestures,  

Or even make promises that hold no meaning to you

Because to me they will and once they do I hold on to them

While I'm easily crippled, to be repaired with side effects.

If I was to be honest I don't know either.