Unconscious aware
Who we really are is a
Lesson I learned hard

Momentless
If the blur of colors never stops how do I tell where the rainbow ends and the rain begins
If you pull hard enough maybe the stuffing will come out, if you tear strong enough maybe I will split open and pour out onto the pavement
Stretching, always stretching
Time is a melted clock, puddles puddles on the floor at your mangled feet, I broke them, I crushed them in my haste to leave
You say forever is false and that the ending will one day come
But how can I trust you to be present-ever when you plan for death
When you tell me the apocalypse is near and you are leaving without me, no, that I will leave you to love another, leave you and never return
How do I trust the middle when you denied the beginning
How do I trust the middle when you swim to the cliff, see the depth of the water, and tell me we'll drown.

They speak to the madman,
Suppression, subversion, detraction,
A vocabulary of ‘less than’.

They speak to the madman,
To the loveless and the wounded,
The self-doubting ego.

They speak to the madman,
A consort of shadows,
Recurrent with paradox.

Until...uncertain as to the integrity of my own thoughts,
Understudied by self-censure and distrust,
I pause to listen in silence to the silence which listens back.

I drive me crazy
- there's no hiding or help
for dark self distrust.

Frightening whispers
are like a levied tax of
doubt about my choices.

Anticipations
dulled on anxieties rough shore
- best to keep them deep.

Had it in my grasp,
Still feel the detailed texture in my hands,
The way I held it as if it was my own,
Thinking about the future than living in the present,
As it hits me,
I fumbled,
All I can do ask for forgiveness and work for it,
It was hurt on the way down,
Doubt it will be coming back,
Regrouping and preparing for it.

Infected satellite

Quarantined transmissions

The gory story is one whale of a tale

Turn up the volume

And hear it flatline

Or wait for (doctored)

Film at eleven

To say that we’re both far from home
Might be a bit of a stretch,
Since simple roads and passable oceans fail
To describe the true distance between worlds
Ripped apart so that only faded myths
Whisper of how once they were one.

We are not quite
Sitting right across from each other
In libraries where books scream secrets
While we glance up with the silent truth of distrust.
We are far from where we should be,
Yet if either of us want to traverse past the stars
And into the worlds that exist in mathematician numbers
And in the dreams we have at night when the other is no longer watching,
We need to do more than simply wait for that moment
Where our eyes meet once in connection rather than separation.

This is not just a tangible cold
But a chill in the heart
To say goodbye and love from afar
For the very one you held so dear
Became the root cause of many a fear
One never knows you're in the eye of the storm
Until you escape and look back
From the other side of the mirror
Things have now become clear
Uproot and cast away
The naysayers who sowed pitfalls in your way
Yet bid such not a bitter farewell
For hiding underneath that glossy shell
Unveiled a serpent you thought you knew so well

Sean Achilleos
April 4th, 2020

Sometimes the one closest to you is your biggest enemy...