sometimes,
alone
under the weight of soft
comforters
thoughts come in
without
knocking

-my own personal intruders

there is laughter here
it hides behind their vacant gaze
so far, and yet so near
resting in a forlorn haze

we are boundless
loose ends untied as we
stare blankly into this mess
unforgivingly

more , more, MORE
I often find myself staring off at nothing, enveloped in my thoughts and searching for something more to distract my mind.
         What happened to her?
You can see the emptiness that has taken residence in my eyes, my being, nevertheless I still hope that life will become more worth living.
         She was always the good child.
Every time I run my hands over my skin I feel the lines that reside there and the blood that seeps from them, knowing there will be more to come.
          She was so smart and loved school.
Most of my thoughts are consumed by food. Keeping it down is almost unbearable, but ridding myself of it helps me to feel a bit more at ease.
          She would never do such a thing.
I often dream of death and how to escape the nightmare that plays out in my brain, thinking there must be something more than all of this.
          How could this happen?

What do you do with yourself
When nothing is wrong,
But it feels like everything is?
The motions of daily life
Leave you numb and cold

You want to justify the feeling
Confirmation that the world is wrong
But you don't know what to believe
Your mind has lied to you before
So you sit in frantic silence
Restless and crazy

You know you should be worried
About something out there
But you don't know what it is
So you just worry about it all
Driving yourself mad

Once the panic in your flesh subsides,
Your mind continues on
Chasing highs of stimulation
Heart pounding and blood pumping
Desperately pleading its case

And all of this
The wars within
And beyond your skin
Leave you here
Restless and crazy

here's to a part of me
who could recite A to Z without taking a break
and another one that has to stop to think
what comes after G
G stands for "get well soon, i hope it won't tire you up", said me to me.

sometimes i talk too fast
i can't even breathe properly
my friends ask me what am i saying
because all they hear is wrecking noise in voice
i want to crawl into my system to fix what is wrong with me
to make me less complicated
and more tolerant to coffee.

tick-tock-tick-tock
it is always the end of the world for me
i already start writing my own obituary.
but guess what?
i am not always like this
sometimes the ocean in me is calm enough for me to live normally,
i just wish i get to know
when the next hurricane is coming.

Have kindness
And confidence.
Don’t forget to smile,
Laugh,
And have fun.
And remember
To always be happy
Even if
You’re not
Because everyone you love
Is depending
On you.

it is difficult
to live at the mercy of life
swinging mood to mood
craving some stability
to maybe make things alright.

I thought it was the weather
but in the sun, I feel the same
I thought it was my hormones
But the menstrual cycle is only part of my pain
I thought it was my location
But when I move, it follows
and when I try to change
I always revert back to my ways
Maybe it's just me
And I will never change
Tripping over my own feet
Until I can't get up again