you cant turn back yesterday
but you can change the past
into a better present
and a better future
soon, i will say good-bye.
i will hold you between my palms as you take your final breaths
i will look into your eyes as they close for the last time
i will whisper "i love you" as you still in my arms
and i know
i will wonder if having you was ever worth it
i will cry and scream with the bitterness, the injustice of it all
and i know.
i will decide that i could never regret loving you.
i know, i know, i know.
every time i look at him i am reminded of how he's coming to the end of his life.
is it odd that i grieve him when he's still with me?
there is laughter here
it hides behind their vacant gaze
so far, and yet so near
resting in a forlorn haze
we are boundless
loose ends untied as we
stare blankly into this mess
────────────────╔╝ it ╚╗────────────────
────────────────╬ calls ╬──────────────── ───────────────╬ to me╬───────────────
────────────────╬ this ╬────────────────
────────────────╚╗ s ╔╝────▐▀──────────
────▐▀▀▀▌───╔╝ calluses ╚╗────────────
────▐───▌───║ collide as i ║────────────
────▐───▌───╚╗ fret ╔╝────────────
───██─▐█▌────╚╗ over this ╔╝─────────────
──────────────║ tune ║──────────────
─────────────╔╝ notes ╚╗─────────────
────────────╔╝ are found ╚╗────────────
───────────╔╝ fingers overlapping ╚╗───────────
──────────╔╝ music unfolding ╚╗─────▐▀───
──────────║ lyrics closing ║─────▐────
──────────║ as this old ║─────▐────
──────────╚╗ guitar goes ╔╝────██────
───────────╚╗ back to ╔╝───────────
────────────╚═╗ rest ╔═╝────────────
i tried **** (doesn't work on mobile btw)
i long for you.
your sharp gaze and steely eyes looking into mine
lips twisted down, a lie prepared on your tongue
strength and perseverance etched into the scars on your skin
but you are gone now.
replaced by doe eyes and a gentle embrace
sleeves rolled up to reveal beauty and virtue
your wounds are faint aches, scabbed over but still healing
and yet, somehow, i still feel worthy.
outside, it is cold and dark and cloudless.
but my soul is on fire, my thoughts are dim and my mind-
i go for a walk.
outside, i breathe. i gasp for air and look up, up, up (outside, it is cloudless)
the stars are shining so bright, so i dance and sing and laugh and-
i leave during the night.
outside, i am flying on the swings of an abandoned playground
and it is high high high low low low high higher higher higher (i dance and sing and laugh and)
outside, there is a child laying on the gravel pit of an abandoned playground
arms and legs twisted, fingers broken, eyes staring at the stars shining so bright
and she laughs, and laughs, and laughs.
i dream about you, sometimes.
after days when im full of caffeine and "what ifs", nights
when i cant fall asleep until the blue flows back into my bedroom walls
when i cant seem to shut off the dreams and nightmares
when i cant make my memories fade along with the light
a faceless being
someone ive never known, yet i know you better than anyone else
you're the warmth pressed to my back
you're the comfort in this worlds apocalypse
you're the thing i never knew i longed to have, until i didn't have you.