I lie here awake at night.
Thinking.
Dreaming.
Believing.

I will never be the same person I once was.
But I can only hope, that I will become the person I want to be.
The person I’m meant to be.
For I have escaped.

And what’s that you ask?
What have I escaped?
You will only know through the truths I’ve encountered.
For I, will no longer give in.

I fear lies.
entitlements,
and envy.

For I don’t want to mistake your promises for prophecies that will never exist.
You destroyed me.
Your destruction compelled me into believing that there was better.
And that the pain would end.
But it didn’t.
It grew stronger.
And so, I grew stronger too.

But I did from you.
I ran so fast, that I no longer allowed your lies to fool me.
You couldn’t keep up.
And you kept trying to take me away from everything I built.
From the new person I became.
And the new bond I had created within myself.

But it hurt at the same time.
And it wasn’t easy to destroy the walls I had built around everyone else.
For you were the only one I let in for months on end.

And eventually, they came tumbling down.
Because I had so much fight in me, that I believed I could escape you.

And for a minute, just a moment, I second guessed everything.
But I knew it was you drowning me, because you swallowed me whole.
For years.
And this was my year to thrive.

I am becoming me again.
With every breath I take,
I feel my body expand with joy.

I am learning
to take myself
just as I am.

Incomplete.
Shattered.
Imperfect.
Just as I am.

When you’re glowing,
it means you’re growing.

bodies starting
            to lose shape
                      blurry smiles
                              without a name
                                      the person in mirror,
                                                they are looking strange
                                                        i'm sorry that i don’t remember

                                                            identities just
                                            seem to fade

One minute you’re indulging in life’s empty promises,
full of light with a touch a glow;
and suddenly,
you’ve been consumed by the paradox of your own mind;
crumbling;
deteriorating;
without a trace,
you’re dying.

Too much thinking.

My room might get a bomb and throw the disorder
in my head.

It's better to be be alive and thriving, rather than being consumed, sick and dying.

Bitter sweet air fills my lungs with dignity and doubt all at once.
And although my head knows what needs to be done, the voice inside can no longer be contained.
It screams for a way out.

How can it be? She whispered in silence.
That I have allowed my body, my temple, to be denied of the very things in existence that it needs to survive.

Starve your brain,
alluring pain.
An induction that never ends.
The longer you go,
there will be nothing but just a trail of hideous brittle bones.
As your body begins to deteriorate,
your body will eat your own organs and flesh.
Not so pretty anymore I see,
nothing but a disastrous mess.