Laying up late, flipping through magazines,
Look at these beautiful people,
The bodies of angels who deserve to be seen,
Reading articles, thinking one day,
That could be me.
I just need to lose this waste of flesh, of fat,
Looking into a mirror of everything I hate.
Models can do it, they aren't just built like that.
Thinking one day, that could be me.

I'll skip lunch for a week, just speak
As if I'd eaten a lot before
No one will question me, I'm sure.
I'm quiet regardless, I started cutting down
On the other meals as they come around.
I've been a little dizzy and lightheaded
But I already lost 20 pounds,
One day I'll be beautiful,
Standing over a speechless crowd.

People are starting to take notice,
I'm nervous, making excuses.
I eat here and there so they know I've had enough
Then slip off to get it back up.
My chest hurts a little but I can reach my goal,
To be like the beautiful people, I would sell my soul
Even if I had to starve myself whole.

This is a letter
On what you did to me
How much of me you claimed
A lifetime of things
That nobody deserves
That I got anyway

I'd cast you out
If I really thought you'd go
But you won't
And I'm stuck with you
At least now I know
That this is not my fault
I don't have to go with you
You don't own
A sliver of my soul

You are nothing compared to me
To my blinding vibrancy
I am so much more
That what you -- I -- made me out to be
But at the end of the day
You aren't a part of me
We share the same space
But I will always be human
That's something you'll never be

Truth be told
I don't owe you anything
The hatred you grew in me
I've pulled out like weeds
If a lifetime of maintenance is what I need
Then I will grow my own garden
In place of what you made

Because I am beautiful
I am worthy
I will not live to die
There won't be one more wasted night
Trying to strangle out my life
I am so much more than you
You will never come that close
To winning again
I promise you that

So I'll go to the beach
In that skimpy bikini
While you thrash and writhe
In the back of my mind
Because every second proving you wrong
Is a second more of freedom

And I'll do what I want
I'll wear a dress to prom
Ask out that pretty girl
Face you head on
In the back of a car
With tears streaming down my face
Screaming to myself
That I am worth it
I am strong
I am more than you ever thought I was

This is a letter to you
Spelling out
The end of your reign
The gates have burned down
I'm gone now

I don’t know what you are,
where you’re from,
but I know what you want.
You want to rip my chest
from the inside out,
you want to force
my limbs asleep,
a tingling
that hurts every move.
You get off
when I sweat through my sweater,
my heart pounding in my chest.
You love to see me
start to shake and cry.
You never call me before you come.
You always show up unexpected,
at night, when I’m alone,
or when I’m in public,
just merely trying to get by.
You love starting a fire in my chest
that is so hard to put out.
You love making me feel like
I should be scared every minute.
But one day, I won’t let you
start that **** fire anymore.

i want to be pretty
i want to be thin
i want to be
only bones and skin
i want people to worry
when i walk by
i want people to wonder
how i'm still alive
i don't eat for six days
and feel guilty on the seventh
i purge for three more
and binge on the eleventh
i wish you would worry
i wish you would care
if you don't, one day
you won't see me there
i'll die of starvation
messed up, insane, wrong
but you won't even notice
that i am long gone

i can’t eat an apple without feeling like i’m about to throw up so i just chew it up and spit it out

"Where do you want to go?"

"Far, far away..."

"It doesn't seem right."

"Never it did"

"Was that supposed to hurt? The constant disappointment."

"..."

"Your mind is in a dark place and you let them win, don't you?"

"..."

"You can't keep it all inside. You're torturing yourself."

"I always end up getting into this situation."

"Stop doing a damage to your ownself."

"You have no idea what I've been through, do you?"