knowing there is no way
i can meet you
being aware of
the distance between us

makes me think
about
how i have put you
in a shelf
where you might not
belong

dreaming about
your perfection
and wishing to meet
someone
like you

like you
there is no you

“you”
is not real


we both know

i made “you” up

It’s hard to be your own person,
to move your singular body in its own direction,
when every corner is already crowded by other thoughts.
Your limbs brimming with self-loathing again, brilliant.
Bubbles of spit boasting as they frame your thirsty lips.
You’re picking blood-stained fingernails with yellowing teeth that never knew the curling cradle of a smile.
At a loss for embrace,
Fake hair plastered by stained sweat to your forehead.
There, in the hollows of your forehead, permanent lines appear prematurely, paving the way for the end of your rabbit hole, spiraling.
Head so full of heavy thoughts that your necks snaps.

They said my life was
                     just dead-ends..

So I just got out my car..


Walked over the fields,
                 and walked along
another path of life..

Just because some one says  your life  
                                        are dead ends..
That doesn't always mean you should
                                                              listen,

because after every dead end
                   is another journey,
                   just in a different direction.

Woke up drained wishing that I was dead,
this life has meaning but only in my head,
I give her every part of me, and she asks me to repeat what I just said.

Now how does she not know
which direction my mind will go?
Her veins and my blood flow,
and a pair of hands to row.

It’s taken a toll and far too many years,
back and forth shuffling blame and our fears,
she lets me think I drive, but we both know she steers.

Now how can I stay strong?
Always repeating that one song.
She’s right until she’s wrong,
but I’m not where I belong.

I accepted a truth and made a lie stick,
covered and layered it over so outrageously thick,
she keeps me alive, but I’ve always been sick.

Now how can she not see
just how vital she is to me?
Giving priceless stock out for free,
but I’m never where I should be.

Woke up drained wishing that I was dead,
my heart breaks as often as she breaks bread.
I give her every part of me, and she asks me to repeat what I just said.

That was different
Then i expected it to be
You walk away
And return to my back
Always
How long will it take
Was almost There
For you to keep on walking
In the opposite way
Maybe it will be now
Or never
Who knows
But before I can love you
I first have to get rid of you