coffee tastes better in Spain

a simple hello is groundbreaking

comfort can be a warm bed or a “like” of a picture

the cold is different in the UK (you can feel it in your bones)

they will always give you a knife and fork to eat a hamburger

sometimes you need to eat at a Hard Rock in Lisbon to be reminded of home

if you eat the bread, they will charge you 1€

crying alone in a hotel room or at a Chinese restaurant in Italy is perfectly normal

never doubt the power of distance

now you can never say you didn’t try

just because you don’t speak the same language, doesn’t mean “*******” isn’t universal

sometimes sleeping next to someone who peeled your outermost layer off is the most intimate you need to be

“I’ll never see these people ever again”

have pride

ask me now what it is that I want

I have come to loathe all brown bags and black suitcases

vulnerability does not necessarily equal intimacy

remember that you pulled yourself out of the sea

your feet tread castles and cathedrals where thousands walked

art galleries are best enjoyed alone

now you understand when mom and dad don’t answer how agonizing it is

write it down if you want to forget it

acknowledge buried truths

eat paella and shnitzel and pizza and fish and chips and don’t think

go to movies at the tallest cinema

slip a little on the cobblestones

lay for hours on the beach

then

go home
be humble
remember
reminisce
teach
embrace

Glasgow – 1/8/15

hey
i miss writing to you
i miss trusting you with everything
i know its not your fault you gave my secrets away
but is happened and i can't trust you anymore,
my dear friend
you've been there forever
but no more
looks like the walls staying up
don't worry your worn spine about me
i'll be okay
and you can rest in peace
i have your ashes hidden well
i know burning you was overkill
but i had to
remember forever though
that for years on end you were my one and only friend
and i love you
dear diary

love,
me

आं सिमांखौ नुवाखिसैमोन
एमावनो सिरिमोन्ना दंमोन
फुंनि 6 रिँगा जाबाय
आब'आ आंखौ फोजाफैबाय
दर्जा खोरखि बुयै बुयै
सिखार सोरांबाय होन्नानै
मावथि जोँमा सानजानि आंनि खोरखिजोँ
बेरलाव मेगनजोँ नायहरदोँसै जोँ जोँ
सिखारना गुदुं गस्ला जोमना
दुब्लियाव मोसौखौ खाहैबाय
फैना दैखरआव मोखां सुबाय
फुंनि जानायखौ जाबाय
7:30 रिँगायाव बेसरथिलियाव थांबाय
बेसर फुयै फुयै 11 रिँगायाव फैफिनबाय
12:30 रिँगायाव साननि जानाय
1:45 रिँगायाव बेसर फुनो थांफिनदोँ
आं आय आरो आफाजोँ
3:37 रिँगायाव फैफिनदोँ न'आव
दुगैयै साजायै दान्दिसे बेरायदोँ आं
गोजोनै गोजोनै न'सिम फैफिन्ना
दुब्लियाव मोसौ लायना खाफैदोँ गलियाव
मोनाबिलि मोनाबिलि दिनै सान्तिफुरनि आमायमोन फैदोँ
8 रिँगायाव मोनाबिलिनि जानाय
9:25 रिँगायाव आं उन्दुनो एमाव गोलाङो

Finally, a new year has finally arrived.
Bidding 2015 goodbye and 2016 hello.
But before I can fully welcome the new year
I must go over and reminisce
What 2015 had given to me.

So, 2015, thank you.
Thank you for all the ups and the downs
For the happiness and the sadness
For the good and the bad
For the realizations and the lessons
For the pain and the stress
For one hell of a roller coaster ride this year had been

You are one of the toughest years I faced
Yet, I am so thankful
For it made me who I am now
Someone who is ready to brace 2016 hello.
A lot had happened within the 365 days
But it proved to me that I am capable
Capable of enduring all of these
So, thank you, 2015.
You were awesome
But it is time for me to let you go now.
However, do not fret for I hold what you taught me.
This would be my key for a better "me"
And for another great year

I know it would be
I can feel it...

2015, adieu.

a rainfall of words
skittering delicately
on mind-stained pages

welcome to a place you used to call home and now is full of strangers

the smell of coffee, forgotten faith, and lost memories cling to the bronze walls - broken friendships (at least partially your fault) taste like bitter chocolate and your could-have-beens echo off the high ceilings

upside down city lights drown in the reflection of leftover rainwater - your tires slash through them and you think quietly about the skin on your forearms

your favorite album isn’t enough to drown the pit of guilt in your stomach and the raindrops don’t wash away your anxiety no matter how hard you wish that they will

what used to be a mirror is now broken, and the shards jab at you, not hard enough to break your skin, but enough to know that something is very wrong

that candle you forgot to blow out last night makes your room smell like every other thing that you left unattended until they grew to be too big for you to handle anymore

you are odysseus, and the world is both scylla and charybdis. you can only hope you’ll make it home.

I think one day it might be nice to call you and tell you that I'm sorry. I just bought a house with this guy I love very much and I've been very busy but he works different hours than me so I've also had a lot of time to think. I think pretty often about how in love we were and how it could be said that I went ahead and ****** everything up. That's okay though. Because you loved hanging on your mothers coat tails at 30 more than you loved me and the guy before you loved *** more than me and the guy before him loved men more than me and the guy before that loved liquor more than me and the guy before him loved drugs more than me and the guy before that loved himself more than me.

I see now that no matter how much you give it will never be enough.

Though I still refuse to stop giving.

I'm sorry.

Maybe someday you'll put on your own coat instead of hanging onto your moms sleeve.

I hope whoever you love next is more complacent than I was.

I never liked to see the wheels stop spinning and we were always stuck in traffic.

But maybe that was just me.

I don't know. I just wanted to tell you that I'm doing fine and I'm happy.

I hope you get better.

With every twist and turn
That my mind makes
It seems that it always aches
Aches the idea of you, yes, you

I want to tell you everything I know
I want to expose myself
Be vulnerable
Be open

I long the day my mind no longer aches
Because I am no longer confused
The day that I finally know
That you are feeling the same way too

For now, I guess, I'll bear the pain
Keeping my mind twisting and turning
Until I know for sure
You are ready for what is bound to be