do you ever feel like you're falling out of your frame

What you give me is what I receive,
The feelings overloading and essentially controlling me are forcing the inner version of myself to ignore thee,
Block off anyone who interferes with my life in the smallest of ways.
Stress is enough,
I can no longer think straight.
Consistently titling to both ends of our path,
I thought the starting would lead us somewhere beyond the fan stays of great,
But I was kicked and left in the dust with the others,
The prophecy unveiled itself,
I was right since the beginning, but my witless gut remained oblivious to my emotionally unstable self and instead stayed behind with the real you.
I grew attached to you, thinking everything for once would finally accumulate into one enjoyable entirety,
But you shattered me both internally and externally,
Now all I can focus on is how to fix these pieces back together.
Before I loose touch upon myself once more,
I ask anyone for forgiveness, begging on my knees for all to please.
I wish to give the little portion of my purity and happiness to you, now, am I considered the wrong and careless one?
Or are you, the heartless form of me?

Hotel rust, shimmers under florescent blankets
Each family huddled together
"There's meant to be some change in your life."
Yet there is still no warmth

Boarded up windows, broken glass
Turn of the century they said,
Yet the apathy still hasn't come to pass
This is ground zero

Dead men are shuffling,
Gun fire is jamming,
They are not really zombies,
Only seas of blank stares.

Viral visual can be alarming.

"Get to the high ground! It's the only way to survive!"

On the roof tops realizing,
You seem to be the only one alive.

Hours, days, weeks, pass, I guess
I guess my hands were deep in my deepest pockets
Pockets of - I honestly couldn’t tell you where I’ve been
What I’ve done, or how I got here

But here, here is exactly where I am, I think
I think, wrapping my fingers around the fibers
Fibers of feelings, places, people, wishing
Wishing I knew how to weave, so I could
Weave it back together, across the Great Divide
Between body and mind
Body doing whatever bodies do
When they’re left behind

I claw the skin off my hands
Leaving just blood, bone, and flesh.
Panic starts to rise, tears start falling
My cries soft and my bones rattle
Pick me apart take the darkness out
Paint me in yellow and drink away my sadness.

Your warm, like the sun.
my cold hands of bone reach for yours.
feeling flesh on my decaying bones.
i starve i wither like a tree in the winter.
yet i hold on for you love.
my ice eyes the opposite to your honey brown.
i cant tell if you care for me, my brain is clouded.
But for now ill pretend you do.
and even if its a lie, i just want to be by your side.

All I can recall from my hectic childhood was a very early memory that played in my mind like a dilapidated recording tape,
Scenes flashed before my eyes, capturing my imagination as an entirety,
Lights passed by so quickly, I couldn't even keep track of what I was picturing.
It was as if a small portion of myself separated and I was tremendously taken into a dreamlike dimension,
This frightening cycle of not being able to differentiate between actuality and fantasy grew overwhelmingly rapid like the constant flood of blood running through my veins;
My attempt to wake you was so regrettably disregarded,
So control took the lead role over my body and simultaneously woke me from my hasty rest.

Alarm
Click
Alarm
Click
Alarm
Click
White ceiling
Toes thighs chest eyelids
Swing legs over bed
Stand up
Feel emptiness in your gut
Revel in how lovely it feels for the moment
Black letters greet you
Don’t forget..Take your meds! Smiley face
Orange bottle
Little custard colored pills

swallow down
swallow down
swallow down

Yes! Go to class! Pay attention! This is interesting! Wow! There’s a dog! Hello friends! Yes I can help you with that! Yes I want to hang out tonight! But homework first! And I must do my laundry! Productivity is great! I love you sweetheart, lets skype tonight! But after I do social things! It was nice talking to you!

Yes lets still hang out tonight
Yes lets still skype tonight
Unlock the door
walk in
close the door
sit down

look out the window
look out the window
look out the window

I’m sorry I’ll have to cancel. Something came up. Yes I’m fine. Yes we’ll reschedule.
Lighter
Inhale
Exhale
Short productivity burst

look out the window
look out the window
look out the window

Yes baby I’m fine. Uh huh…uh huh…uh huh….Yes I’m listening yes I still love you no im sorry im a little off tonight

look out the window
look out the window
lookout the window

Shower
Brush teeth
Comb hair
Crawl into bed

stare at the ceiling
stare at the ceiling
stare at the ceiling

Custard colored dreams
Are harder to swallow down
swallow down
swallow down

My legs over yours, my face nuzzles into the crook of your neck. My hands holding onto yours loosely, but in such a way incase I slip I can cling to you for dear life. Because, I am falling, I'm slipping through the Hammock into the tall grass below us. I feel there I don't feel like I'm drifting off. Like my head is not spacing out. I can feel your heart beat. I can feel your embrace. As my hand traces circles on yours. Our eyes lock and I see you, I see you in focus.