i only saw you that one time and i fell a little in love. it wasn't you, not really, you were a reflection of the loneliness i projected. but when i shouted into the void, you called back. and that's something, i guess.
i am a small girl and many think i am harmless. i am disarming. i am smiles and laughter and the way your eyes look when you feel understood. i am the light reflected in your irises.
i am a small girl and many think i am harmless. i am charming. i am small touches on your cheekbones and feeling your fingers interlace through mine. i am the warmth of a lie.
i am a small girl and many think i am harmless. i am alarming. i am your heartbeat when it falters and breaks in your chest. i am regret. i am the shaking of your voice and your hands when the anger inside you coats your lips and tongue in sand.
i am harming. i am salt in a wound that i created, i am the only cure that keeps disease aggravated, i am shards of glass in the water that keeps you alive.
i am a small girl and i thought i was harmless. it was a lie.
i'm scared of you. are you scared of me? my fear replaces your face in my dreams. does your body ripple up and down like acid is eating your bloodstream? the ribbons in my arteries ache as they're trembling. i wrap my ribbons slowly and sweetly and tightly and they're trembling. are you scared of you? i'm scared of me.
i can see you hurting but i see myself melting and i just can't look away. the fire mesmerizes me and also the pain. i know i don't speak like i used to. i can see you hurting. you reach out to touch me and i recoil not because i can't see you hurting but because i am on fire. can you see me burning?
i wish i was different and i wish i was you. i wish the days fell apart like i do. i wish i knew what to do. today hurts and yesterday heals but i locked myself out of there. who knows healing? i'll show you and i'll show you the hundred times i died getting there. my nails were the first to go. are my chewed bits more than my body? i chewed on my mind.
she hurts me now.
i'm sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you. i hurt myself while you touched me. why did you touch me? can't you see the violence in my chewed bits?