So many things I've said.
So much i have left to say.
But I don't think I have enough time
to find the words that keep getting lost along the way.
Don't be afraid if I forget who I am today
because I still remember who we were yesterday.
I remember the nights by the fire with a bottle of wine.
I remember the the day you said you'd be mine.
I remember all the years we were young, wild, free.
I remember all the dreams we had
of how great our kids' future would be.
I remember the love. I remember the fights.
I remember the summers on the island
watching the fireworks light up the night.
Even if it doesn't show, there's one thing I need you to know.
I remember

Your head is the shed

Where the memories live

It's not right

That this thief in the night

Slowly takes you

And un-makes you

Until there is just

The rust

Dusty marks on the shelf

That once contained

Your sense of self!

The darkest humour,
A comedy
I’m laughing although it is killing me
You watch me bleed, yeah.

Brains don’t feel pain…

Especially daddy’s
When he had a tumour growing in it
Messed up his memory
Also, his sanity

Since then he cannot see
He went completely blind
Nerve cells rarely heal
Especially the ones that run to the eyes

Surprise
For two weeks
He felt it ill
Slight fever with no heat

He felt slightly weak
Then he woke up blind
Everything was dark
His optic nerves his tumour did find


He said everything was black
He flew out of the country
After a month, he came back
He didn’t die, alive was my daddy


Ten years, three months later
I put my pen to paper
I know I wouldn’t remember
‘Cause daddy and I don’t get better.


The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
I am of my father
Dementia: him, schizophrenia: me
Isn’t it a laughter?

That’s my happily ever after...

My Grandmother's perfume
was always as sweet as the fruit
she loved to share with me
its rinds thrown from the deck.
We watched as the deer came out
to feast on the skins.

Her perfume came
in beautiful crystal
and her collection spread
all over the bathroom.
She hummed as she got ready
her song beautiful like the hummingbirds
we would fill a feeder full of nectar for.
And as we ate at the small wooden table,
she would whisper,
"Look, my love! Our friends have arrived."
and the hummingbirds would sip from the feeder.
I always felt that they were her kin,
those hummingbirds.
But it would not be a stretch
for my Nana to be blood
with all the beautiful things.

She showed me how
to pluck a honeysuckle flower
and extract the nectar carefully
so I would taste a drop.
In the springtime,
butterflies would flock to that bush,
and we watched from a distance.

She taught me
where the daddy-longlegs liked to nest
and reminded me that they
were harmless.
I picked the wildflowers for her
and she would place the little arrangments
in water on the table.

My Nana would make me coffee
so sweet I could barely drink it
but I did
because the sweetness was just as sweet
as her.

I loved spending time with her,
even if it was just a phone call.
The number 2 pad on my mom's
ugly orange phone
was my Nana's speed dial.
I called her every day.
Every day.
She would light up when
she heard my voice
and I would chatter on about
anything and everything I could think of.

I still remember
the songs she used to sing to me
when it was time for bed
and I was wide awake.
"I love you,
a bushel and a peck.
A hug around the neck,
and a barrel and a heap
and I'm talking in my sleep
about you."

My Nana
doesn't remember the words now
but as long as I have
a voice to sing with,
I will sing for her.
As long as I have hands,
I will write for her.
And as long as I have a heart,
I will love her.
Even after the day,
she doesn't remember me.
Even after the day
she doesn't see my face
and know who I am.
Even after the day
she doesn't know she ever loved me.

Wiped were all the memories

Her mind an empty slate

I watched my best-friend disappear

Was void of all her traits




I wanted to ask her why she left

If only I could see?

Wish I could go inside her mind

And bring you back to me




Sometimes were good, sometimes were bad

We took it day by day

But it was very difficult

To see her live that way




Although she left me mentally I saw her all the time

And though I cried when she was near

Physically she was fine



And though her memories were gone

The pain all stayed with me

Till the day she passed and left this earth

Her choice was to be freed



Sometimes I wish I could forget

I'd pay any cost

To hold her close one final time

And gain back what I lost


Poem written by: Johnhaynes Honeycutt

I watched how her "memories" shredded holes through ours
I watched how her story became the only one that mattered
I watched how her story became the only one told
I watched how we carried ourselves apologetically surrounded
By the tidal wave of second-hand confusion
And aggression.

I watched her dementia tear us apart
I watched the disease
Silent and deadly
Drain us of our lives,
Making itself stronger.
I watched it crawl up the back of my father
And settle on his shoulders.

I watched this disease
Disgusting-
Proud-
Make us hate who we loved.
We hated the hollow woman we told ourselves we cared for
Even though the woman we loved was long gone.

I heard the yells and agitation
Take the caretaker and replace them with a
Violent, judgmental gargoyles,
Watching over the puppet in the bed-
Waiting for Dementia's next command.
I felt my strength-
My life-
My mind
My mother's
My brothers
My aunts and my uncle's-
Our time
Our love,
Stolen by an abuser no one saw coming.

I saw dementia changed who I love.
I saw her dementia tear us apart.

a man who is about fifty years old has been suffering from
dementia. (demented people can't remember many things anymore; and they might have a hard time to say anything.)

his name is m.

m. is a silent guy. he talks barely and doesn't tend to look at
people.

i lived together with him for eleven days. most of our time, we were hanging around, smoking cigarettes.

one day, i put some music on. by aventura. one of their songs is called "obsesion". and when m. listened to his song, he changed.

his eyes were glowing with joy.
for real.

I can't remember,
I can't understand,
I don't have concept of things,
My mind is leaking.
Don't leave me,please,
Give me a kiss on the cheek,
Hold my hand.
I am sick, sad and tired,
Be patient with me,
Don't think I am giving you a hard time,
I am having a hard time.
Keep me away from crowds and noises,
I hate them.
I may not answer,
I may be abrupt,
Don't take it to heart,
Still talk to me.
Don't lecture or argue,
My mind hurts,
Instead agree.
I am a lonely soul,
Give me a hint of kindness.
14/11/2019

I am so confused wondering what I have done.
I am whisked away from my home for what seems like a thousand miles.
They are so nice to me and I wonder why.
Emotions are running high and I see a sense of guilty sorrow in their eyes.
As we reach our destination in beautiful gardens filled with people having cups of tea.
Staff in funny clothes ask me how I am and call me by name. Asking me if I would like to have some fun.
How is this possible
How do my family know them and I don't.
They look at me with false smiles and patronising reassurance.
My family observing the scene of discovery.
Trying to show an interest for my benefit.
An unfamiliar room we enter is deliberately filled with familiar objects.
Smells of home entering my memory.
I know deep inside that this is my new home and my family will soon be gone.