Im pretty good at magic.
Not a sentence I ever thought I'd write because I'm bad at party tricks
And could never identify which one was your card

Lately though, I've been studying with someone
Someone so much better at magic than
I am, I find shivers of joy at every touch

I've seen this woman make ritualistic sacrifice in the name of a better future

Ive seen the clouds bend at the knee, and recoil so that she may see the moon

I've seen smoke clouds dance around her tear stained cheeks as if the bubbling passion underneath were burning off the tears as they fell.

Ive fallen into a deep and unbreakable spell by listening to her bird like songs

Ive seen her fight demons turned cruel by the tides that change at her very wish and baptize the hearts of men in pools of love in its purest, most volatile form

I've seen her tears freeze with sadness as if she were a beautiful portrait frozen in time

Ive seen her curse Gods only for them to bow their heads in shame and apologize like sheepish guilty children.

And sometimes when shes asleep at night,
I can see the angels that come nightly to inspect their fallen sister and ensure her safe travels through the world

I can only hope that I am just as skilled in this craft of passion and evolution
To be able to one day call her truly mine

words
i am searching my mind
thinking hard
where are the words
how can i make you know me
hidden, lost or else forgotten
i struggle to express my desire
for you
to like me, but real me
so i will not fake it
have my language
magnify and judge and once all finished
come back and stay
or else
discard
forget

trying
can you try too hard
too much
too strong
too fast
I cannot stop my thoughts
they circle and circle
and find you again
am I falling?
how can I, if I cannot recall your face

first
I can see you from the distance
Ginger hair and tall figure
Then your arms lift me up
Close, my heartbeat fastens
Your voice reaches deep
Your pace is fast
Am I chasing after you already?
will you let me catch up
I see you look at me
Your eyes, a puzzle
What you’re hiding
are you with me, or else
far away
lost to me
we laugh and talk
time flies
moment flickers
disappears
you were mine only then

Life’s just around the corner
Shall I peek or stay hidden
Arms of comfort keep me here
Yet I wander what’s out there
Will my dreams be realised
If I risk it now
Take a step
Take another
All is well I’ll see you on the other side

It’s that time again.
It’s 2am again.
It’s time to look to the right side of my bed and feel sad.
It’s time to wonder why it’s still empty.
It’s time for me to make a list of why it is empty.
It’s time for me to be ******* myself.
It’s time for me to wonder where I went wrong.
It’s time for me to make a list of all my mistakes.
It’s time to feel sorry for myself.
It’s time for me to break my own heart.
Again.
It’s time for me to play over what men have said to me in the past.
It’s time for my old tinder messages to haunt me.
“Unless I can eat that *** and ***** from the back before marriage Christian girls aren’t as fun.”
“Would you be interested in a nice thick 8 inch ****?”
“I’m looking for a more physically intimate relationship.”
It’s time for me to remind myself the reason why my bed is empty.
Men want the one thing that I can’t give them,
And without my body I am nothing to them.
All I am is what’s between my legs and what’s under my shirt.
And with my legs crossed and my top on,
what could I possibly offer them?
It’s time for me remember that while my choice maybe the right choice,
It’s also the lonely choice.
It’s time for me to remember that even though it feels like it’s my fault,
It’s not.
It’s time for me to daydream until I fall asleep.
Again.

There you are again

Always on time

Never miss a day

With your warm greetings

With your contagious smile

With your sincere eyes

With your neatly ironed clothes

Asking what I want

Serving my favorite tea

Of course

Because you're the waiter from the cafe.