born not from here but here when you're 19 years young.
starting a new life and that's when you met my mom.
both young and in love and before you know it,
it's wedding vows and wedding bands,
then it's hospital visits and here we are.
i remember holding my baby sister when she got home from having her,
and i remember your mom, my grandma dying.
you sat in the yard, beneath the big tree that whole season.
i met her Once and i have a scar to prove it.
my cheek met her glass table and you were too in your element to be bothered by my blood gushing wound.
years and we're grown.
we're all grown and you look at your creation and the life you've created and i hope you feel pride.
until, things went bad and the house began to shake from your voice.
all that anger kept inside boiled like the beans you'd religiously make every night.
release, release, release
until the horse finally broke and everything you've built came crashing down.
do you remember when it was all too much for you?
i remember sitting behind you, holding bags of our hot food,
we're at a red light and we're all sitting in silence still not digesting the horror of the past four years you created with your other half.
but it's too quiet and i see it hit you like a truck.
wheel gripping and not afraid of crying,
Vulnerable and here and the most raw i've ever seen you till this day.
sadness turned into anger turned into hatred into resentment and anger and hatred follow and circle and pump the blood in your veins.
do you remember smiling for that picture of you holding me and my older sister?
i don't remember it but you have to remember.
i looked at your hardworking hands and on the left is your wedding band.
silver or gold, i don't remember but it's there and looking at that picture,
it's so foreign.
it's like those picture games where you have to find something wrong, something that's not supposed to be there.
do you remember being married and sharing and building a life with someone for over 17 years?
do you remember it crumbling down?
do you still feel that sadness and boiling anger you felt when you were finally released?
it feels like you'd be relieved but you never spent a second to spew that fire towards us and everyone crossing paths.
but i pray for you.
i used to hate you and curse you but now,
i pray for you.
there has to be a day in this life, that hopefully, you just feel peace.
i hope one day you wake up and there's no hurt, there's no anger, there's no revenge,
just peace.
one day, you'll feel like you have it all again.
one day, you won't need to act tough to protect yourself from .....
well, from yourself, from emotions that i wish would just leave you alone.
one day, it'll just be
peace
and
peace
and
peace.
