First the illicit thrill
Becomes routine habit
Run of the mill
Like you're invincible.

Once, your heart beated
Feverish, hesitant,
Now you swagger, unheated,
The cheat can't be cheated.

The check-out girl, Lizzie,
Is trusting and smiling
Then she turns away, busy
And you're suddenly dizzy.

To your pocket inside
Go the chocolate bars -
Though it's undignified
There's a strange kind of pride.

Then - out of the blue,
In front of the world,
One day she asks you....
And what can you do?

...But collapse to your core
Like a worm-eaten apple
Pray to fall through the floor
You are Named, evermore.

Oh - the shame! she's disgusted
You're a thief, you're mistrusted
All that shock and self-loathing
For those moments you lusted.

Poor girl, she won't be aware
That her face and her voice
Will feature forever
As worst memory, lowest nightmare.

You'll be chilled to the bone
And you'll ask yourself "Why?"
Without job, wife or home,
Foolish, guilty, alone?

How did it feel at the end ?.. were your legs as heavy as your heart as you took your last journey, upwards .. all the way to the top.
What led you to this place?. so broken, so defeated..
I can only imagine how wounded you must have felt, knowing your demise was considered entertainment to the crowd below. Goading you to jump, baying shamelessly for your blood. Updating social media status' .. phones pointed upwards so they could capture your misery and share it with the world.
That must be a very lonely place to be .. .
Did they not comprehend that you were someone's child, perhaps someone's Father.
Their lack of compassion could only have added to your brokenness, your feeling of being alone, misunderstood, unloved.
They left you no options, encouraging you to die like that, when you so obviously needed a kind voice, a kind heart to show you the way down to safety.
Did they enjoy the show ..as you came falling from the sky, did the crowd fall silent as you hit the ground ... LIFELESS .. Do they even comprehend how greatly they have sinned?
May I apologise on behalf of humanity, or share your grief for the lack of.
I hope you have gained the peace, you so desired and didn't get whilst here on earth.


(for the guy who commited suicide, jumping from a multi storey this weekend, spurred on by the crowd below)

(msrigs 17/03/2016)

My Evidence professor told us
Testimony is not believable
Unless other facts back it up.
            That terrified me.
My word means nothing
Unless I’ve left a trail of breadcrumbs
            But I was raised to clean up
After I eat.

The chemotherapy left Dad a full head of hair,
And no one questioned his diagnosis.
Yet you search for scars on my wrists
            As if corroborating evidence is necessary
To prove I’m not ok.

Our nation was founded on the ideas of liberty and justice
And I have the right to be thought of as
            Innocent until proven guilty
Clearly you paid attention in civics
Because you hold on to this principle
With every ounce of willpower you possess.
The only thing is,

            I didn’t realize mental illness is a crime.

Would you call me a criminal if I did something wrong,
you can't blame it for the way I was born.
I trespassed into private property where I'm not allowed,
the police were called which was all that I can endure.
Would you call me a criminal if two police officers had to drive me home,
to get me away from the trouble that might foam.
Would you call me a criminal if I said I went back,
they called the police again,
then I ran on a different track.
I got caught on the way by two police cars,
they put me in the van and drove me to the station behind bars.
Then we got to the station where an officer asked me questions,
but I refused to answer and tolled lies which ended up in ruins.
I am a criminal as I was in trouble with police six times,
the only way I know how to express this is in these words and rhymes.

I would make SUCH a good criminal. It is a shame I have parents and integrity. Well, some integrity lol. :P

If I ask you about your favorite sound,
which one will you choose?
To me and Greg, it's those girls rhymecal screams.
Louder and Louder , they hit the perfect note.
But sadly it is only a one time show,
Because sooner or later they had to die, to feed the devil inside.

Me and Greg, never been any girl's first choice,
So we decided to be their last.
Well our innocent faces always spell the charm.
The girls happily hop into our car for a last drive,
Unaware of the hidden surprise.
As soon as they become comfortable, We offer them drinks and pizza.
After all it's a norm to feed your prey before you cut them into pieces.
As soon as the poisoned drink start its work,
One of us hop on the back seat to satisfy the lust.
Turn by turn we feed our self.
And enjoying those screams as we cut them.
Feel really bad because each one of them was a master piece.
But soon we manage to forget the pain and prepare our self for another game.

I am a collector,
Collect coins, sculptures and more.
But the highlights of my collection are human souls
Whom I collect every night from the road.

Drug addicts and homeless are the best for my collection,
Because they never ask stupid questions.
With a wide smile on my face, I spread my net to catch the fishes.
And for some money, drinks and for a comfortable place they get ready,
Get ready to fill the void in my collection place.
As soon as the night gets darker, I polish my instrument to carve my new soul.
Tie them to bed, perform different experiments on them.
Pushing them to death and bring them back.
And whole night we play the same game back to back.
I took picture and take record to mark their pain and store their memories in my brain.
Till now nobody survived till dawn .
So every night I drive on the foggy road in search of a new soul.

Let's steal cheap knock offs from Wal-Mart
And return them to customer service for gift cards
So we can buy the real things

Let's drive unregistered vehicles, WITHOUT insurance
And lie when we get pulled over by the state troopers
So all we gotta do is pay a little fine

Let's get paid to buy alcohol for minors (like 17+, cuz you know that's not so bad)
And party with them until just before the cops show up
So they're all too drunk to give the cops our names

Let's sell some of our food stamps for cash
And use it to buy tobacco and tubes and make our own, non taxable cigarettes
So we can sell them to the neighborhood for cheaper than the stores

Let's be a modern day Bonnie and Clyde. Let's only steal from wealthy cooperations and the government. Let's be bad, but not so bad that if we get caught we'll go to jail, cause you know, I wouldn't want that.

When I was young
I learned how to dive into my emotions
I learned how to wrap myself
in my regret and fill myself
with relics of isolation,
I learned that my tears
were to be compared to the bottom of the ocean
for both the saltiness
and the amount of them.
I learned how to cheat my way
into straight A's
because suddenly I wasn't at the top of the class
I was diving to the bottom,
with the druggies and the criminals.
I learned how to move my fingers
along the fret board of another man's "love"
and how to make him sing louder than a microphone
would ever allow for
I learned to dive into what most would consider immorality.
I learned to inhale whatever I could,
tobacco, ***, and whatever lingered in the oxygen in between
and I learned to dive through the labyrinth of smoke
that it would produce.
I learned to steal for what I needed
because I didn't have the money to eat lunch
or for new clothes
I learned to dive into the world that I'd scoffed at
a year ago
the world of the beggars and the choosers
the stealers and the 'losers'
called out by self-proclaimed winners.
I learned to trace raindrops on a window
and recite my dreams in the form of broken hearts
and song lyrics
I learned to dive into myself.