Sun soaking up
Dark in your mind
Paralysed in static terror.
Movement in shade
Sprinting through glass
Vision blurs, frozen fear.
Crazed and deranged
Flailing through mist
Demons bring truthful answers.
Flailing deranged, crazed and afraid vision sees frozen glass.
Mind coming too, sheets soaked with fear, your eyes see the sunrise to.

Why not be blamed
For something I did not do?
A crime is not a crime
Unless it has been committed
But this my friends,
It was an accident,
And I am afraid I did not do it

Why not be blamed
For a victimless crime
When it happened right before my eyes
We take the time and time again
And it starts to get real
The happenings begin

Why not be a motherless child
In a world that makes that okay
I am a victim of a crime
A crime that can't be faked

Why not leave
Mother dearest
When I need you most
To work my way through this
I'm starting to hear voices in my head
Help me, mother,
I just want this to end
I am not crazy
The voices haven't pushed me over the edge
Find me, mother
Even though I know you're dead

I don't know how to make this poetic.
I don't care to make it beautiful.
Even now I'm questioning why I'm letting this out. Not even in my black book do I wish to share this nightmare.

"I want to let go though..

There is so much hidden behind this smile. So much discomfort when they brush against my skin, nothing but lies when I hear them speak, the reason why 'love' is something I admire for afar..

I get lost in my writing,
It's very therapeutic. But even this will haunt me for days. How would you suggest letting go of this dark space?

He's right here with me,
Even now.
The reason why I hate them. He's constantly whispering in my ear, giving me reasons why I shouldn't allow anyone close. He's right on my back always a heavy load.

I still can't find the words to rid myself of his face..

I don't know how to share, my nightmare."

Coughing Crazed
trying to feel things
trying to be happy
just two kids, guitar playing
broken hearts healing
we are cough crazed
and sad some days
Vibrations always find their way
through the soles of her shoes...

She hates the days
when her soul fades away
can't keep up with the daily day
and there isn't any way that
you could make me say that
I love the way life treats us
Like trust for something that rusts
I must keep my head off of the floor
metaphor number four
can ya catch me
or can ya catch no more?
I'm mean like that
and I ain't even roar
I bet your brain is sore
from this rap of sorts
I bet I ****** you off
down to your core, she's singing:

I'm just a sad clown
only around when I'm not wanted
we're just two coughing crazed kids
trying to not be forgotten
but now we've become unresponsive...

Coughing crazed
trying to feel things
trying to be happy
just two kids, guitar playing
broken hearts healing
we are cough crazed
and sad some days
Vibrations always find their way
through his finger tips like magic...

He hates it when they tell him
that he can accomplish so much more
do they not get it?
That he's trying to not be sore anymore
just close the drawer
it's time to move on but he won't forgive and forget
she stung him in the chest
he was crying from it
so overwhelming
everything turns
ain't it absurd
how much they expect
all he needs is respect
but they'll never give him it
so tired of trying
and that's when he starts singing:

I'm just a sad clown
only around when I'm not wanted
we're just two coughing crazed kids
trying to not be forgotten
but now we've become unresponsive...

**We're just sad clowns
only around when we're not wanted
we're just two coughing crazed kids
trying to not be forgotten
but now we've become unresponsive...

The wind is screaming around the trees.
Interjecting between my thoughts and psychotic capacity.
What is perception to reality?
Is it laying in the gutter looking up at the stars?
Is it laying in a bed stained with someone else's scars?
Are you wishing, hoping for a dream?
Are you as close as you'll ever be tearing at the seams?
Was it a dream hearing her say your name?
Or is this low carb diet your price to be sane?
You're drowning out a girl who you call your psychotic capacity.
You're wondering why she's no longer in love with me.
What if she's the one with the lie, perception is reality.

mind frozen
  
                body tense

I keep telling myself that I care about spiritual growth

but **** it all to hell
        
                    i want to be close in the biblical sense

somewhere there's bumpin' and grindin' happening this very minute.

intimacy intimacy, i tell myself

feel my feelings

i've been numb to my ****** feelings

i get all this, but sometimes ****** thoughts and feeling hit me so hard.
                         i don't know what to do with them, they just mess up my head.

i want serenity.

        i want peace.

              i want some wisdom in all this.

i am not a monk.  
    i do not want to be celibate,
                                            but **** I don't want to be overwhelmed either.


For now I am embracing my *** crazed thoughts, but not acting on them.

                i am more than my thoughts and feelings.

                                                  i am.

pen ink smears across

blue-lined pages

made by bearing down with an

unsteady hand that isn't more unstable

than the neurosis of trying to

make words mean more

than they actually do