they say destroy what destroys you
but how do i do that without destroying myself?

they say just drown your demons
but how do i do that when my demons can swim?

they say get over it
but how do i do that when its who i am?

they say live
but how do i do that when i'm already dead?

I've said forever an infinite amount of times before
so I won't

So I'll simply say I would give all of my forever
for Right Now
with You

All of my
Right Nows

Because

Right Now
is when
I need You

And I can't seem
to see
past this
Right Now

I find it hard to believe
that there will ever
exist a
Right Now
where I won't want
You to Be

Living in
This Moment

And The Moment
tastes like a wine that is
Done aging and demands to
Be swallowed

Right Now
I'm drunk off of
Your eyelashes

Right Now
my blood is diluted
with
want of You

Right Now
I'm living in a
world of You

All
of my
Right Now
is saturated
in Your voice
echoing through
the memory caves
of my ear

Right Now
You
Are
tangibly absent

Right Now
my room is the
outerspace atmosphere
devoid of any signs of
You

Right Now
words on a
screen
act as a tube of oxygen
keeping my needy lungs
at bay

Right Now
the bags under
my eyes
build with need of
restful You

Right Now
You
Are
The Only Thing
that exists

And
Right Now
I
Am

Terrified.

I scribble upon the walls
Blindly
Drawing
Nestled in my belief
That this will speak
The words I was unable to voice,
My clothes were clean when I knelt
But now they are
Stained,
Ripped,
Violated
With the efforts of these scattered
Moments, I express without a voice,
"With out"
"With out"
My mind speaks slower than
The moment past,
I fear this is senseless,
"Undermining
My
Resolution"
Of what is being emotionally
Stained upon this wall,
I grow weaker as this message composed
Of my emotional state,
To me it screams,
"I needed someone"
"But I was a voice lost"
I sign it with a handprint
Static,
Silence
Quiet
Is my body, the ink ran dry
From the pots cut open
"I lie here now"
My message  scribbled upon a canvass
On the naked wall,
It now has a essence of me,
My  story,
My  end,
I was in need, but now I **need no more.

I feel hunger
Have no taste
Food does not appetize
You do
I feel hunger
I do not want to eat
For to be full on something other than you seems untrue
Can I be
I feel misery
Hungry
They say I am thin
I feel huge compared to them
Could it be
This heavy soul
That consumes me
My insides growing and blooming
Over the lust I have for you
Food does not appetize
In the daze to come
You will want more
But feeding without feeling cannot be ignored
My lust growing
Like a **** inside
My organs yearn for the food I choose to hide
For the food would take up too much space
If feeling was consumed a grace from above would give me my taste
The food would be good
But feeding without feeling cannot be ignored
Please may I have some more?

A pool of black, crystal clear tears fall
Pure thought sinks deep,
A moment of clarity
White,
Grey,
Black,
Then swallowed once more.
It once again as it was before,
With the wind of sadness
Blowing across, washing the darkness
Upon the eyes shores,
Falling tears of desperation,
Clear falling, black tar upon the floor,
I am not the shining star I was before
I am a sun in it last gasp of light
Dull
Then
Illuminated
Darkness  
Then my mind will implode
Then my light will be extinguished,
No longer whole,
Those crystal tears were the sunshine
But now consumed in the pool,
Darkness has now taken hold.

Blank canvass,
Then colour brings it to life
Shades and tones scratch in to picture
It bleeds creativity,
Moments become minutes
Which consume the hours of the day,
A picture is formed by
Impressions,
Outlines ,
Engraving.
Life upon the page,
One last brush stoke, shading put there
Complete,
But what did my brush strokes create
A hand, as if  reaching out the page
Ominous,
Distressing,
Sinister,
Is what covered this canvas of white
To look upon it,
"Did my eyes deserve me"
Moving forward as if to clench
I move, but to slow
As what was inanimate,
Now paint drips off as it has hold
Upon my hand,
The paint seeps up as I am consumed
By the canvas
Holding on to the frame,
My finger scratch upon the wood
As I scream,
The terror frozen within the paint,
I am but brush stokes
My face painted on canvas
The hand upon my shoulder
I am cold now,
I am for eternity now the paints prisoner,
The hand is my guard
Such vivid brushstrokes
As if she painted fear upon the canvass
A master piece of cloth and paint
Not knowing I am trapped now for eternity
Terror painted within this frame.