Anything I did to you is less than you deserved                                              
                                                                ­                                                 
When I said I hated you, I meant every word                                                
            ­                                                                 ­                                   
your lying & cheating didn't break me down                                                        
You can do what you want, I won't be around                                                           ­                                          
                                                                ­                                                
 You can let your girlfriend take care of you                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                             
I am sure you will tell her what to do                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                                 
You two can run off in the sunset today                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
Don't let the door hit your *** on the way                                                        
     ­                                                                 ­                                            
You are Mr.Irresponsible,is she aware?                                                           ­               
                                                 ­                                                               
  That when she needs you, you won't be there?                                            
                                                                ­                                                
That when she starts acting just like me,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                  
that I wasn't the ***** you made out me to be                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                         
Goodluck, good riddance, you're not killing me,                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
I should thank her for setting me free                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                               
I hope you are happy now I am gone                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
she will go too & you'll be alone

During the time we were apart,                                                           ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­  
wounds formed scars on my heart                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                                    
Now whenever I close my eyes,                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­     
I see you & her, I can't deny,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
when we kiss it isn't the same,                                                            ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                          
I feel your mouth say her name                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
then I flashback to where we were,                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                           
when I caught you alone with her,                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
I know you want us to move on,                                                          
   ­                                                                 ­                                              
but I'm not sure I am that strong                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                    
It's not easy to forgive & forget,                                                                    ­                         
because I am not over it yet
                                                                    ­                                                  
Just because it fell through for you,                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­               
doesn't mean I should go back to you                                                        
                                                                ­                                                  
You should have thought about it first                                                      
                                                                ­                                             
 before you decided it was me, you'd hurt                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                                 
I 've been with you through thick & thin                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                                         
and you **** on me again & again                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­       
Don't blame me for what you've done,                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                              
I won't miss you when you are gone                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
While you were busy replacing me,                                                        
     ­                                                                 ­                                                
I was seeing what I couldn't see                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­   
Now that I have really opened my eyes,                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                        
I love you less than I realized                                                         ­                 
                                                                ­                                                    
So, thanks for the favor for me                                                               ­                                                                 ­                                          
                      ­                                                                 ­                     
Maybe she is still there waiting

I would you’d make me salt,
cast my name to the tide,
let the wind bear my ruin
to lands unremembered.

Twice, I split the sky,
unbarred doors best left veiled,
breathed storms where thy light
once lay unshaken.

Yet thou stand’st—
unmoved, unbroken,
a sky unyielding,
a river that takes all,
yet rages not.

Wouldst thou burn,
I should be smoke.
Wouldst thou drown me,
I should be rain.

But thou lov’st still,
and therein lies my undoing.

Fear of abandonment
There's someone better than me

Fear of betrayal
I am not good enough, never will

I can not open heart,
I do not want to attact this deceiver
One who cheats love,
A selfish contender...
That wants me and the world.

Low vibrational **** and becoming be gone.
I do not want you,
But wait... why do I keep thinking and feeding you with my fears of abandonment...of not being good enough?

This heavy feeling of not having access to anything better, limiting beliefs imprison me.

All I see and hear are the echoes of others' pain and fears...so I won't open my heart.
I can't do that to myself.

Everywhere, online in comments I see him,
I feel him
Low vibrational selfish ****
His heart is closed too...that's why we keep finding each other
I don't want him yet I find home in him.

Anticipation of the worst you and you don't even exist...yet.

Emotional insecurity, instability,
More abandonment, validation of not being good enough.

More of not being chosen
More mental fights...creating more momentum into chaos that hasn't happened...yet.

I am the door that is letting these demons in.
Why do I keep doing this to the love of my life?
My heart needs a safe space and this isn't it.
Why won't I love myself better?

Shame, judgment for this guilty pleasure of mine.

Split Desire consumes my energy, dull
Between better × healthier and dirtier x sicker
Oh multiple choices, where do I begin?
Which timeline should I resign?
I don't want my heart to be mined,
I want my heart to be considered.

My inner child's heart deserves to be chosen.
I can't choose those who won't too.
If I do, I abandon myself first.
I create insecurity and disloyalty to my little girl's heart first.

Am I still inviting the devil into my bed?

Oh my gosh,  
I close timelines where every cheater + heart deceiver comes + becomes

In my heart, in my presence
they always stink so bad
their demonic future crumbles in my sight.

Their disgusting energy, it is the tissue I wipe all the yucky impurities

Negligible care to engage now
they are energetically falling off like the leaves in autumn,
Now manure for the seeds of love I plant for my future I secure
In my heart,
Fall away all parts of me that cheat + deceive the heart of the one I truly love.
Die.

Isn't it so funny
as soon as you get back with him
the truth bites you in the ***
again
isnt it so funny
as soon as hes gone you crawl right back to us
i wont let you hurt her again.
if my body is made of tiny broken stars
yours is filled with the trash discarded in the void of space.
isnt that funny f?

As

Well…

You heard the news, that I was finally falling
out of love — I must have forgotten your touch;
and I know it really *****, that you heard the
news from somebody else; her I’ll never love.

And have you ever kissed that taste of sweet sin;
I know I said we'd be lovers ever since we were kids,
but looking in the mirror now — I'm definitely not him!

Men go chasing after wet waters; my chasing gave
you running tears – I made you feel like a princess,
but never settled on making you, my queen.

I'm sorry for being a *******!

Did you moan my name by mistake?
Did it catch in your throat,
get tangled up in the lie,
stick to the roof of your mouth like something foul?

Or did you forget me completely,
just for a moment,
just long enough to let her pull you under?

I bet you touched her the way you used to touch me.
Slow, deliberate,
like you wanted to make it mean something.
Like you wanted to convince yourself
this wasn’t betrayal,
just… something that happened.

You’re a ******* joke.

Did you kiss her after?
Did you pull her close like she was yours?
Did she believe you
when you whispered the same empty promises
you spoon-fed me?

I wonder if she smelled me on your skin.
If she felt my ghost in your hands.
If she knew she was just a grave
you were burying me in.

And then you came home.
Sat in our bed like nothing was different,
like the sheets weren’t stained with your filth,
like you weren’t rotting from the inside out.

Did you think I wouldn’t notice?
That I wouldn’t taste the decay
in the air between us?
That I wouldn’t feel the way your love
curdled into something sour?

You want to lie?
Fine.
Choke on it.
Rot in it.
Drown in it.

But don’t you dare touch me with those hands.
Not now.
Not ever again.

There’s a you sized hole in my chest right now
That’s reminiscent of hopes and dreams
And the taste of chocolate chips and salty flesh
And guilt and desire

And I wonder why I always expect this to hurt less.

You’re such a greedy lover when
You’re lovin her
Holdin her down
Stealin her crown
And power
Deflowerin every flower
When you devour
From your tower
And hour after
Hour after
Hour after
While you cower and
Cower and
Cower and

You’re showerin her with kisses
After missin her
Hidin away
Sayin you can’t stay
And pray
‘Bout preyin on every prey
That you lay
Without a place
Out of place out of
Leaving without a trace a
Trace a
Trace a
Of your face
In her space

You’re a disgrace for tryin be
Graceful
It’s distasteful
You say you gotta face full
of “empathy”
Say you have “emotional telepathy”
Work with me
Can’t you see?
Hour after
Hour after
Hour glasses
Are what you need
She’s not free
From your greed
And
You’re a greedy lover when
You’re lovin her