Don't look into my eyes
as I open my jar full of glow worms
& let out one by one
the light kept caged in my heart-
it helped me fight many violent storms.

Why was it caged, you wish to ask?
I will tell you as
one wise man once told me,
"accepting your mistake,
is step one of putting remorse to its task."

Fear drove me in different directions for years.
On one such maneuver when I was tired
and my eyes were full of tears
I found this really nice man
who shared with me his light
gave me a reason to carry on my fight.

But as he shared with me his light
I extinguished his own.

(He thought the world was nice
and sharing was caring,
not realizing I was wary and soulless
after all my experiences scary.)

Seeing the world dipped in the color of my soul
I protected this light
buried it deep inside,
to not let the ones who were like me
steal it from me
how I stole it from him-
by looking into his eyes.

Now, looking back in time,
as my soul gets cleansed
by regret and remorse
while
the nice man shines brightly in the sky,
even as
I wish to get rid of this stolen light of mine,
to die,
to be blessed with a less insecure afterlife.

Hence,
I release my glow worms one by one,
but
don't look into my eyes,
and try to steal this light-
escape my fate,
don't make the same mistake as mine.

Volitional Cageling,
Lightling
Amber agony of in prisming

Show me a way, then
    from the baseless lines
    from my binding fears
    through the blinding menisci of my tears

Take me a way
    from this tangle of yield,
    from irresolution,
    dewhipped web of timid hesitation...

How does one escape from
    "rationalessness"                                          How does one escape
from this cocoon of "here"

To him
I am just
A discolor forest
A vulnerable mountain
A singing bird
In the golden cage
To me
He is
The sweet venom
The tragic mystery
The universe
I can never get
Enough of
To discover

Four seasons,
but
only winter he loved,
When
he let the coldness
caged in his heart
set free,
disguised as
the cold December winds.

With no strings attached,
his stray heart
flew carelessly & free,
every day perched on a new tree.
Until his heart
found a cage-
he called it love.

It's been asked before
But nevermore
Why does the caged bird sing?

He's been locked away
No sight of day
Why does the caged bird sing?

His vision's blocked
Out of sight, he's locked
Why does the caged bird sing?

No soul to hear
His voice so clear
Why does the caged bird sing?

But oh how his song
Is out of tune, it's wrong
Why does the caged bird sing?

Maybe what he sings
Isn't what it seems
Maybe it's only screams.

Just like many people,
It's painful for me to look inside,
but yet it comes to me as second nature,
Past so cruel, chewing on my mind,
Like wild coyotes on the weak flesh of chicken.
I look behind me so far it feels like the distance
should take hours to walk,
but if I simply reach out my hand,
I can easily touch it, embrace it, and reject it.
I want to act like that was not me,
but there is nothing that possessed my feet,
to walk in that direction,
that direction that fades into dark like a movie scene.
My past works me like a seductress,
Curling my own finger until I give in and embrace them.
I always look, and I always see me, remember that it's me,
but I always come to a nice little realization,

I am me,

I've changed from then,
ways no longer remained the same,
just like so many people, I changed,
but it's painful to look away,
And it comes to me like first nature.
I constantly compare,
hearing the thoughts that belong to me and myself
dark torturous thoughts,
****, violence, ******, intricate torture, Shameful acts that should not be spoken of.
.......calm, a need to calm, a present tense feeling that gives me control......

I often consider,
which side is more real,
and which one I should use to define me,
Which do the people close to me,
feel more comfortable with, though,
the answer to that comes quick.
But if I hide these thoughts,
these thoughts I force myself to believe are the past,
Such suppressed thoughts,
Which one becomes the hypocrite?
To hide a part of me and act like the opposite this "past",
to act like the opposite of me?
Or would it be hypocritical to act myself, the me I want to be,
and fight the rest of me to be?