A peck of his lips filled with sin
     my labored breathing  
          his calloused hands wander my body
          exploring every inch of me
He holds my hand
      and steals my breath
           with a rope he found in the kitchen
Calloused hands wander over my body
     as he lay me with his ex lovers
          each more beautiful than  the next
          each more grave than the last
Beware of boys with blue eyes like sapphires dropping in the ocean

Bleach me like the whitest hair
I long to feel the burn under my skin

Darling your claws are sharp
But they don't reach within me

I hope you leave marks
I hope it leaves scars

So that I may remember you;
- when we eventually part.

"I'll show you secrecy"
You said,
"Okay I love new things" I said
Deep down I only went cause you wanted me to
I realize now
I was your escape
but you pushed me out cause you knew it would rip me apart

Did you see me crying and screaming "why"?
Of course you didn't cause you weren't there,
but of course you wouldn't have seemed to care
If you were there

A few hours before that
In the car that rainy night
It seems so cliche but the weather matched our eyes
tears were falling out of the sky
that's the loudest I've ever heard us be
sitting in silence it seemed eternal for me
this is probably what hell feels like
having everything that matters
But not able to touch or stare


there was no words to seal a deal
I couldn't say much in the moment
then I think back now of what I should've done
I wanted you to help me with my problem
but my problem can't help me with itself, now can it?
there's nothing that would have made you stay
but I can only write that. I could never say that

im laying on your bed, still wearing your used sweater
singing songs again and loving my life like I did before I met you

the storm was over and I could go back to that one place I loved most
the ocean was waiting for me, I could feel the wind in my face

my hair never grow long again and my legs never got skinny
and I was okay with that, I was okay with myself, everything was okay

the drugs did its job last night, you kissed me on the dance floor
and you always thought my jokes were serious and you always loved me

the alcohol did its job last night, you walked me home after all
and you always smiled at me and you always loved me for who I was

but still one day you stopped sending me flowers, you needed space
either you want me or you don't, I need to know about our future

I can't read you like I can read the stars in the sky, the rain, the sun
my heart knows when I should walk away, that moment is now.

Im done feeling like a stranger to myself.

I want to know why
Why do you make me feel everything?
Every emotion I've had seems as if it started because of you.
Now the only thing you're making me feel is hollowness inside my chest that I try to forget by reminding myself that emotions are just chemicals blending in my head.
I should be over it by now it's been a month of either awkward confrontation or nothing at all.
But I can't help but wonder whose lucky enough to see your dads house,
Or your messy morning hair.
I can't help but wonder who you're going to leave behind next;
I wonder if you'll give them a proper goodbye.
Maybe you'll just leave them hanging, And give them small chances to believe that you'll come back.
You won't and I should stop hoping for it.
I guess it's my fault that when you showed me your nothingness I saw everything.

A single word etched in life's fleeting moments,
It held so much of them, still warmth radiated
From its form. I held it, looking aimlessly into
The thoughts that made this word speak to me.


I couldn't comprehend what would make a
Word speak out louder than any voice could.
Looking, glancing at the aftermath of this
Two syllable word that screamed tears on paper.

"I,  "I, "Cant believe this was your only word,

In blood was written one word that ended life **"SORRY,