There is a fire in my bones
it grows, quite slow, still grows, it rose
from spark to flame it is my name
to love the broken all the same
their tears, their hurt, their loss are mine
so I'll care.
I'll care.

My fight is long and weary mind
a bitter war waged strong in times
yet fire is quenched, coals cease to glow
the sun is blurred above, below
I'm drowned beneath the grating waves
do I care?
I care.

It's not a heat to douse at will
somehow it's deep within me still
it rages on, my fierce inferno
but nowhere for the smoke to go
my blackened lungs starve me of air
and I care.
I care.

I'm suffocating, can't seem to breathe
as the roiling waves begin to seethe
at the senseless violence I can't escape
eyes stinging, tears streaming, never assuaged
no candle in the darkness
only I care.
I care

And the anger drains me while waiting and watching
the singed stars plummet, falling and fearing
this world, torn to pieces, is crashing and burning
bile razes my weary body, retching and cursing
my heavied heart hurts with the hatred
and still I care.
I care too much.

Enjoy it while you can
      they say
These next 4 years are going to fly by
      and they did

-Join a club
-Do an internship
-Make friends
-Write a resume, cover letter
-Fall in love
-Apply for jobs
-Do something crazy
-Build your professional portfolio
-Socialize for hours
-Find a grad school
       they say "it's the college experience"

Is it the college experience to feel
Underappreciated and Overworked?
Elated and Devastated?
Accomplished and Incompetent?

It never feels like it's enough
      no, I never feel like I'm enough
I've spent hours staring at a screen
Either in class or at home, it doesn't matter
I scrolled through so many blogposts and jobposts
Applied to countless positions and internships
All for nothing

"What's the best way to do college?"
      is the question I'm constantly asking myself
      and anyone who will listen that might have the answers
"What am I doing wrong?"
      how can so many people have accomplished so much
      before I've even made a name for myself

my 21 credit semester
my double major
my additional minor
my 6 semesters of straight A's
my 2-year executive board position
my part-time minimum wage job
Were they all not enough? What am I doing wrong?
Why can't I find even an unpaid internship?

Despite my exhaustive efforts,
      and I do mean exhaustive, full burn-out
I still see people
people who have done way less, tried way less
with full rides, wonderful internships and jobs right out of college.

None of it is fair.

And I have nothing to show for it.

So has this just been 4 wasted years?

What can I make of myself in the real world,
with nothing to show for my college career?

**** the glass ceiling
It's too high in the sky
I'm still at rock bottom
Only wanting to cry.

Let someone else break it
I'm too weak to move
Maybe this was a mistake
I have nothing to prove.

Writing and writing
trying to stay away
from the escape that
rests within my blade

Writing and writing
until my hand starts to cramp
wish to feel instead,
an ankle that is damp

Writing and writing
trying to find release.
Why isn't this working?
I just want some peace

Writing and writing
until all the ink runs out
maybe I've written myself
into a burnout

trying to write is harder now
i seemed to not remember how
to make words dance and lines sing
To give rhymes that certain ring
to break hearts and heal scars
to go back to the time we call ours

Motivations burn,
Searing into my ****** mind!
Yet the flame dies down…
Disappearing like a ghost,
Leaving me an empty husk.