Old eyes gaze upon
Young faces. So in love they
Were, so young and dumb.

what is it like to have a "relationship goals" relationship?  
the girl who is laying in her bed; wiping her tears with the stretched out hoodie sleeve wonders that exact question

yet so does the popular girl who is dating the varsity hockey captain; her insta is filled with cute pics of their relationships; but the skinny tube top is covering hickeys on her chest that she doesn't even remember receiving

the girl who has never had their first kiss, or has even held a boys hand before wonders that exact question. Her research suggests that a "relationship goals" relationship is when you go on cute dates, have his hoodie, surprise him at his games and practices  

but the girl who isn't even noticed has the real "relationship goals" relationship. She nerds out on math while he reads off the periodic table. Nothing gets in their way because communication is their key

are "relationship goals" invisible to the people who seeks them?

i used to have this
friend
we would go outside
during the days
after the bell

one game we played
was kind of like
hunting
except it didn't
feel natural

lizard brains
were easy enough
to catch and ****
without a second
thought

we would stuff their
mouths
with explosives
then find and burn
the remains

until that time he
accidentally blew off
his own hand

Dear mom and dad, colleges been a whirl.
all nighters are common and I eat too much ramen but Ive kept off the freshman fifteen.
My friends pierced my ears and dad I'll out drink you with beers. But frat boys can be quite mean.
I took the car for a few trips outta state with my friends but I filled up the gas and didn't once crash.
I have a tattoo I haven't shown you. I really miss my old bed.
My friends got us a fish but that was a miss.
Then I broke my finger but the pain didn't linger.
I did get corona but after tacoma.
I kissed a few boys and made too much noise, but I did get to dance in the rain.
I showed my friend his first snow and watched my plant grow.

And although midterms made me cry, I got to watch the sky go from blue to pink with a friend

I'm just hoping it won't all end.

I want to speak to you so badly
but I’m just going to sit here hoping
you’ll start the conversation.

Boys are so dense!

I even send an obvious signal:
I didn't pull out my phone and get all busy
the moment we were alone.

Duh.

you were like a drug i couldn't seem to get enough of.
each touch,
each kiss,
each sweet nothing you whispered in my ear,
was a way for me to get "my fix",
a way to feed my growing addiction.
you recognized this control you had over me early on,
quick to provide a re-up when you saw me coming down from the high
loving the power so much that it became your drug of choice
but it wasn't enough.
my fixation,
my dependency,
my incessant need,
it wasn't enough for you
so you took on the role of my enabler
pushing the limits of my tolerance so far i **** near overdosed
the addiction started to take its toll
your touch became rough and cold.
your kisses, scarce.
and you whispered
nothing sweet
into my ear.
but this didn't matter,
I was hooked, and you were in control.
I tried to quit,
I tried to walk away,
I tried to listen to the desperate pleas that came from
my family; telling me to come back to them.
my friends; telling me they miss me.
myself; knowing I wasn't the same.
but as my blurred vision started to clear,
your face came into focus
and your touch softened
your kisses covered the scars that you created,
and the sweet nothings you whispered in my ear were enough to make me relapse
again,
and again,
and again.
and you had control
again,
and again,
and again.

n.p.