He asked me to write him a poem.
I thought it would be easy,
but it was as if I didn't know him.

I stared at a blank page for hours.
One word hit me hard,
and that word was flowers.

A dozen of them red.
And that is when I realized,
the words that could be said.

He came into my world.
I'm happy as can be, that of anyone,
I became his girl.

It's like my favorite song,
I will never stop replaying.
I could here it everyday, forever for so long.

He doesn't have an area that he could ever lack in..
Never seeming sparse.
He speaks to me with actions.

My mood is always good.
And this makes me happy to say,
saying, "I love you too."
Will always make my day.

You are the wings on my feet that take me your way
You are the drugs in my mouth to lead me astray.
Your are the bruise on my heart, painful and blue
You are the lead on my legs, drowning me too.
You are the tears on my cheeks running down now
You are the hope in their drops that I shouldn’t allow.
You are the corpse on my back, the skull in my hand
You are the wind to my sails, the flag to my land.
I cannot give up and so I will lose
All I have dear and willfully choose
To give up pride and be beaten down
Sacrificing the safety of my crown.

There will be days
when I'll early rise,
sneak out for a joy ride,
maybe a hike.
You won't know where the hell I am,
and how could you?
I didn't leave a note.

There will be days when everything ****** me the *******.
I'll snap at you,
say something I'll most likely regret,
then take it back,
begging for forgiveness,
Trying to win you over with my affections.

There will be days when I am a little selfish,
I won't want to share my food,
and I'll want to watch THIS movie.

There will be days when I just don't want to talk to you all that much.
Nothing personal,
I am just processing,
Maybe something you said bothered me
And I am contemplating whether I should confront you
or let it go.
Or maybe it has nothing to do with you at all
and I just need my space.

There will be days when I'll want you to pamper me head-to-toe
And I won't take "No" for an answer
Because I ******* deserve it!

And there will be days when you may ask, "What the hell is wrong with you, woman?!"
I don't have that answer.
Not yet anyway.

But I will tell you this:

Every single day, I will stand by your side,
even when I am off venturing alone.
For you see, when I go off to take care of myself,
I am taking care of you too,
for we are one-in-the-same.

Every single day, I will sit and drink coffee with you,
and we will talk about our dreams, goals,
whatever comes to mind,
whatever your heart desires.

Every single day, we will laugh,
For even on a seemingly bad day,
there will always be humor.

Every single day, I will hug you and kiss you,
even if five seconds prior, I gave you the impression that you didn't deserve it.
You DO deserve it
and it is my mission to prove that to you on a daily basis.

Every single day, I'll love you with my entire heart
and give you everything I have,
for you are my team-mate in this game of life,
and I'm not swapping you out.

No fill-ins.
No one waiting in the wings.
You're it.

And I'm not going anywhere.

Every. Single. Day.

If staring at the way he sleeps and knowing his movements make me in love, we'll then darling I'm falling and I would like you not to catch me until I can't see light anymore and my skin and knees are broken and withered away.  I want to express all my love I have with a simple touch of of heaven to your heart. I want you're love to be like hell burning with passion towards me. don't you go and throw away what we built with a simple goodbye with your lips and green eyes turning into black with tears and fear drive away. Don't make me think my heart and ears will never love or hear your name again. Don't leave me and tell me you want forever when your forever was only yesterday, touch me with your mind body and soul and give me everything I need to feel at home when your leaving. Give me the love I need to feel my heart is in your hand and it will always be. Let me know that when you leave with my heart it will find a home in you and you will love and care for it as you do when I'm wrapped around you. Let me know you will protect it with your hands and that it will be safe and you will come home to me with mine and your heart together happy. Leaving for a year can change everything but it can change the right things.

The past few weeks,
I've been asking you to go home early.
One more minute, baby.
One more hour.
I'll go home at 1.
2 o'clock, I promise.

Six o'clock comes around,
And I rise with the sun.
And you're stretched like a cat on the floor.

Sharing a tiny couch isn't ideal.
It isn't fun.
It's too warm on one side,
And freezing on the other.
There is no middle ground.

I've spent 24 full hours without you,
Waiting on 24 more.
I hate it.
I want my body to be frigid on one side.
And boiling on the other.

I want you to squish my arm,
And send pain shooting up my spine
With an accidental knee to the back.

I want you to squeeze me
To the point where it's uncomfortable.

I want to be next to you,
To be near you.
As much as possible.
As long as I can.
I want to be yours.

caution:
please don’t tell me I’m beautiful
because when you leave I will let the tracks of my tears stain my face for so long they will bear holes in my cheeks
and I will sit in front of a mirror and draw on it with lipstick all the features you loved but I now loathe
please don’t tell me you get lost in my eyes
because then I will have to dig them slowly out of their sockets and throw them in the ocean so I don’t drown in them
don’t tell me you love kissing every inch of my body
for then I will have to place an X on every space until I am covered in marks and no one else may ever kiss me where your lips touched that X
please don’t hold me too tightly
for when you’re gone I might have to wrap tape around all my limbs to remember what it felt like to not fall apart
don’t cook for me
even if it’s my favourite: grilled cheese
because when you disappear so will my appetite and my palette
don’t tell me you love my new tattoo because instead of a heartbeat I’ll see your name next to my heart;
the sharp and blunt sound of it causing irregularity in my rhythm
don’t tell me you dream of me
because when you’ve left I will try and sleep forever so maybe I can find you on a school bus or an amusement park in my dreams;
you’ll become a monkey
- mon petit singe -
don’t send me pictures of your face in a content expression
because it is tattooed on my brain and when you choose to go it will be a slideshow of your face gliding its way in front of my eyes
I wish you wouldn’t tell me you want me
because as soon as you said that
I wrote letters with all my stories and sent them floating to you on the lake you go to every night
and I documented my face in all of its varying emotions to assure you that sometimes you may not “want me”
and I called you – long distance;
the space stretched over miles –
while you were watching planes land
and with every word I said I felt like I was nosediving on that plane
I’m stretching my arm so far I can feel my bone separating from my muscle,
expanding across the distance to touch yours
even if I only feel your fingertips
I want to graze them;
feel the spark,
because when we met that spark was dancing around us,
taunting us, breathing us in, zipping past our faces
and I thought you wouldn’t kiss me
I thought maybe your face wouldn’t mould against mine
and I was foolish to think that this was what I had dreamt of
but you asked to kiss me
and when you did the reverb made me lose all thoughts;
I was emancipated from thinking
-- from thinking --
but caution:
please beware,
if you place a thought into my mind it grows roots and sprouts and branches and the leaves drift to the base of my skull
and I am filled with them:
you coming to me
you staying with me
you holding me
the branches grow stronger,
critters stay in there from the past
the birds carry the old memories and sit dangling on the tree,
bearing them;
new and old,
beware my thoughts
caution: do not read
but although I place this disclaimer,
I want you to rake the leaves and climb the branches
and water the roots
and sit by the trunk
and read the book of my thoughts
to absorb all my information, acknowledgments and table of contents
don’t flip through:
read
but beware:
do not plagiarize them to say to another
and don’t copy them word for word
and please don’t highlight them
my leaves are falling around you
smell the bark
and breathe me in.

we entangle
the limbs
while we sleep
ruffling the sheets
pulling at the blanket
seperate pillows
and dreams
that i want
to share.

A flirty message, a winky face attached.
It doesn't mean anything, I tell myself.
He loves you, I say. You are his world.
But I never quite believe it,
Though I know I have no cause.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
Isn't that the phrase?
I don't want it to but it sticks.
I hate myself for it.

A kiss or two here, a request for photos there.
It wouldn't be much to an outside eye.
But to me? It is everything
My ever fragile insecurities shattered.
My heart holding on, but barely.
Did I have cause after all?
Did he mean anything he told me?
That phrase again, always ringing in my ears.
Will I ever escape it?